Views & Opinion
No, Christmas is not everyone's favourite time of year
Comment by Dr ASHA PATEL, CEO of education not-for-profit Innovating Minds
is being spent on drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol. According to the NSPCC, abuse and neglect are adverse childhood
experiences (ACEs) can affect the healthy development of children’s brains. The impacts of abuse and neglect on children’s brains can stretch beyond childhood and into adulthood. The lifelong effects of early childhood adversity and toxic stress in early years can impact learning, behaviour, physical and mental well-being (Shonkoff, 2011). These difficulties might show up as impaired
cognitive development with reduced impulse control leading to emotional outbursts. Children and young people may experience difficulties with executive functioning skills (i.e. perspective taking). The House of Lords Public Services Committee survey of councils,
charities and other organisations supporting vulnerable children have learned that services have also seen a rise in the number of children and families requesting help due to domestic violence and parental addiction issues since lockdown. Two-thirds (66 per cent) said that they had seen more severe domestic violence faced by partners at home among families and children while 50% reported an increase in the severity of parental addiction issues.
We are bombarded by Christmas adverts, a multisensory feast of glamour and glitz, food and drink, clothes, toys and chocolate. What child would not be excited by the sight of so many good things? November saw the start of preparations with the strains of Here Comes Santa Claus in shopping malls, Christmas wreaths being sold and now we are preparing for nativity plays and carol services in school. Everything is designed to lift the mood and generate feelings of
anticipation and excitement. It is hard to escape the buzz, but we rarely give a thought those children who at best have mixed feelings about Christmas. Some children are averse to change and want everything to be
'normal'. Those who work with children with autism will understand the problems Jake has. He can't understand why Christmas is on a different day of the week each year and why it is different from other days at home. He can't deal with the unspoken demands for reactions and social skills. When people say, 'Merry Christmas', or watch while he opens a card or unwraps a gift, he feels the weight of their expectations and worries that he will fail this test. He is happier when the festive season is over, and he can get back to his routine. Other children associate Christmas with disappointment. They won't be
getting treats and surprises and the special food they would like. They see massive turkeys but can only wish they will be able to tuck into this; no crackers or tinselled tree for them. Their gifts may be 'pre-loved' when they get them, and some know that their presents may disappear again a few months later when the family runs out of money. They know their lives are very different from those around them.
Addictions add to the problems Some parents are not good at recognising and responding appropriately to their own and their children’s physical needs, paying for food, clothing and essential bills and things can spiral out of control if part of the budget
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Why does being together as a family cause trauma? Jane Evans, trauma coach and expert, works with Innovating Minds reminds us that Christmas is also a time when domestic violence increases. Christmas is the time when people get back in touch with families, even if they have not been in evidence for the rest of the year. The emotional temperature of a family group may change too. While most adults are adept at controlling social situations, moving always, changing the subject when things become heated, a child cannot so easily change the narrative. They feel powerless and this activates the fight or flight mechanism. 'People will claim that incidents from years ago can't still have an
impact.' Jane says, 'But trauma leave its mark. Trauma is a sensory experience written on the body and sights and smells can activate it years later. Things that happened when the child was just a few months old can still affect them when they are teenagers. Shocking incidents such as a bereavement, the breakdown of family life can be reignited by the sights and sounds of Christmas.'
What can teachers do? Teachers can be an amazing resource for children, particularly children who are overwhelmed by it all. This is not about being a therapist or a counsellor but about providing an air of safety and consistency. Most children won't want to be in trouble. They won't want to hurt anybody or be the one sent out of the classroom so think about what might be causing their distress. You can be their safe person, the one who is reliable and grounded. To
do this, you need to monitor your own feelings and behaviour. Slow ourselves down so we can be observant and curious and not wrapped up in our concerns. Make sure there is some routine each day and that amidst the celebrations we create calm spaces and quiet times, time to talk and to listen and to engage in the familiarity of everyday things.
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December 2021
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