the view of “What can I learn from this?” without being harshly critical of himself, but behaving in a way that will help him become the kind of person, or salesperson, he wants to be. My guess is that he will decide, by his own judgments, that being negatively dis- posed to himself is a very poor way of changing his behavior. If he were trying to help someone else, he wouldn’t say, “You are a stupid fool. You shouldn’t have done that.” He would probably be sympathetic and indicate how one should try to change the behavior instead of castigating the person. Another thing that is very useful to know in applying this process is that your intellect can make very quick judg- ments. It can catch on with insight and with lightning speed. It can recognize a mistake and say, “Don’t do that; do this.” But your experiential system re- acts to the accumulation of experience before your feelings start to change. As a result, people tend to become


very impatient with themselves and they say, “I know better. Why do I go on doing this? What is wrong with me? The system that I have been using doesn’t work. This constructive think- ing business is nonsense.” Well, you have to know how the process works. Just like if you are dealing with a piece of machinery, you have to know how it works if you want to make it more ef- ficient. The way it works, I have found, is that you don’t change overnight. Sometimes, people can change overnight, but that is very unusual. What happens is that the degree to which the destructive feelings endure keeps getting shorter. First they may last for weeks, then for days, and then for hours. I think it is very important to understand the process through which the experiential mind learns and changes; it has to be respected for what it is. It works by its own rules.


SP: Then you can kind of predict


how it is working, and you can say, “Oh, now I know it is coming. My mind is going to say to me all these horrible things about myself and I can let it go and I don’t really have to believe that.” DR. EPSTEIN: And also I know that it is going to be reduced as I keep working on it. Now, I ask my students after they have been doing this for a few weeks, “How long did the destructive thoughts and bad feelings last? I want you to keep track of that.” Then they begin to understand what is happening. They say, “I initially always react the same way, but you are right: it is not enduring for so long now.” That makes them able to stick with it and learn something about the process in general.


SP: It is almost like getting older in a short space of time. DR. EPSTEIN: To me, it’s like get- ting wiser. 


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