HORRORSCOPES


ARIES March 21 -April 19 Ifwewant toprotectourselves, thereis amultitudeofself-defencemethodsto choosefrom.Mypersonal favouriteis astralprojection,andthat’swhyyou haven’theardmuchfrommeinthe last threeyears. IwasstuckinaPolish khazi.ButnowI’moutofmybox,and soshouldyoube,ohcourageousAries. Thismonth,everythingpointstowards thedoor.Reachout,andpull thatknob.


TAURUS April 20 -May 20 Wedoourbest todowhatwethink willwork,andthat’swhyyouhaven’t heardmuchfrommeinthelast three years.Followingaminor misunderstandingconcerninga policeman’sball, I’vehadan invigoratingstretchreadingMrBig’stea leavesfor freesohe“leaves”mealone intheshowers.Andshowersitwillbe foryou,ohloyalTaurus;showersof love, that is,asVenusrewardsyour loyalty.RIPJimmytheSqueal.


GEMINI May 21 - June 20 C.S.Lewiswrotethat 'if thewhole universehasnomeaning,weshould neverhavefoundout that ithasno meaning: justas, if therewerenolight intheuniverseandthereforeno creatureswitheyes,weshouldnever knowitwasdark.Darkwouldbe withoutmeaning'. Icouldn’thaveput it


42 / OCT-NOV 2021 / OUTLINEONLINE.CO.UK


bettermyself.Keepyourchinup, Gemini.


CANCER June 21 - July 22 Notallsuperheroeswearcapes,but theyallwearpants,andtheyallput thosepantsononelegatatime,albeit veryquickly;soquickly, infact, that onewouldbeforgivenfornotknowing howmanylegsatatimesuperheroes put theirpantson.Spidermandoesn’t wearacape,butheputshispantsthree legsatatime. Iassumehehassixlegs. Callyourmum.


LEO July 23 -August 22 They'rehardtodescribebecauseno oneIknowhasseenone. “What, specifically,are‘they’,eh?Whatyou talkingabout,Doctor?” Ihearyoucry. Well, that’snot reallyimportant.Oh, confidentLeo;Youdon’tneedspecifics tomoveforward.Yourstubborn confidencewillmouldthevaguestof notionsintohardfacts.Andthat’sjust great.Keepitup.Andyouknow EXACTLYwhat Imeanby“it”.


VIRGO August 23 - September 22 Sincetheytellusthat 'wherethere'sa will there'saway', theremustsurelybe anelementof truthtothisoldsaying. And,ofcourse, thereis.Forexample, myauntieMaudhada“will,”soI found a“way” toingratiatemyself toher.Oh, analyticalVirgo;don’t judge;youthink Igetpaidfor this?


LIBRA September 23 -October 22 Asyour rulingplanet,Venuslinkswith Jupiter itenablesyoutoreconsider the listof thingsyou'reworryingabout, feelingunnervedby,orhavingastrong emotional reactionagainst.However, whilst it’sgoodtore-evaluate,donot allowyour internalmonologuetostart chuckingoutaTopTenofyourbiggest fearslikesomesub-conscious, demonicTonyBlackburn. Isuggesta nicelistof themostpositivethings


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