TRAINING & EDUCATION


nothing was finished, I would shout: ‘That’s it. If you do not tidy your room right now, we ain’t going to Alton Towers ... ever!’


Internal Dialogues


Let me finish this piece on where we might be getting these negative statements from; the comments that can so easily leak into our conversations with people.


Apparently, 75% of what we say we say to ourselves, and two thirds of these messages, called internal dialogues, are negative ones. They seemingly get locked into our memory at an early age. They are like replays, or reminders of criticisms, or feelings of shame that we were made to endure as small children sometimes.


Thankfully, as adults, we can now choose to counter negative thoughts with positive ones. Sadly, the majority of the things that we say to ourselves will start, to some extent, in the fear and doubt mindset, but we can respond and treat ourselves, and others, with trust and respect.


Punishing ourselves, blaming ourselves, even hating ourselves


On the plus side, these negative thoughts and feelings have made us cautious and careful and this has helped us to survive as a species. However, if we are not careful, we can end up punishing ourselves, blaming ourselves, even hating ourselves. We need to treat ourselves as we want others to treat us - with trust and respect.


People who under-


perform at work or let you down in your life will be a particular challenge. Getting angry, and then judging and condemning others, will be extremely easy things for us to do. In my experience, people are often angry with themselves before they are angry with others


”


So, maybe we can start by looking at ourselves. I know that I need to see me as I want others to see me. We can begin by being kind to ourselves, and perhaps think a little about how we can bring more trust and respect into our lives, and into the lives of others.


Perhaps we can begin this by treating others with trust and respect, whether we think they


Part of


deserve it or not. Maybe we can practice on each other at home, with our families and loved ones?


People who let you down in your life will be a particular challenge


People who under-perform at work or let you down in your life will be a particular challenge. Getting angry, and then judging and condemning others, will be extremely easy things for us to do. In my experience, people are often angry with themselves before they are angry with others.


They are angry with themselves for not spotting a problem in advance, or for being fooled, or perhaps trusting someone too soon. Then they look for someone to blame, so they feel better about themselves. Eventually, they might condemn themselves for losing their temper.


May we remember what Mr Didier had to say and stop condemning ourselves and others, but rather, to the extent that we can, strive to be an example of trust and respect.


© 2020 Frank Newberry


If you have questions about communication at work and in your career, you can reach Frank Newberry at his personal website www.franknewberry.com.


Just click on the Contact tab


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