uncertainty of their future and makes it seem like they should be practical instead of emotional. Even though it’s overwhelm- ing, by staying present and heart-centered you allow space for them to feel their feelings instead of plan their next step. One is immensely valuable and the other de- rails their healing process.
4. Don't be completely absent or silent. Not showing up, not acknowledging when someone has lost a loved one because you feel awkward is another inappropriate response. Of course, there is nothing you can do. Of course, you can’t make them all better. Don’t use those as excuses to let yourself off the hook. They notice who showed up and who bailed on them in their time of need. Don’t go into it with the goal of fixing anything, just be attentive and present. That’s not only all you can do, it’s enough.
4 Big Grief Do’s
1.Show up, listen, and hold the space. Just be around. Be available. Just sitting with the grieving person and allowing them to share whatever comes to mind is healing. They may not have much to say, yet need you there to hold the space as they go through the waves of sadness that crash over them again and again. If appropriate hold their hand or hug them as physical touch is very connecting. Your goal should be to offer presence and support, not con- versation or processing. Pure listening
without suggestions and advice is incred- ibly healing. Your undistracted presence is the greatest gift.
2. Share your personal memories of the deceased. It’s incredibly meaningful to hear how their loved one touched your life in memorable and significant ways. It expands and enriches their narrative of how this life contributed to the larger tapestry of life as a whole. It reduces the sense that their loved one died before their time or that everything is meaningless. They begin to realize that more important than the days in our life is the life in our days. Thinking of a person in terms of their qualities also enables us to look beyond the loss of their physical body. Bodies are temporary. Qualities are forever and live on through each of us.
3. When appropriate, share how you dealt with your grief. If you have ever suffered loss you can share your insights on how you dealt with it. Keep it real. Keep it practical. Share with empathy and without expecting that your experience will neces- sarily be the same as theirs. Also, you might wait until they ask you about your experience before sharing. They will let you know when they are ready to hear what you have to say.
4. Do what you can without being asked! Show up. Help out. Arrange food. Take phone calls. Lend your car. Make logistical decisions. Host visiting family or relatives.
Allow the grieving person to "just be" as much as possible and take on as many of their responsibilities as you reasonably can. Actions speak louder than words.
The absolute best way to be helpful during times of grief is to be ready. Look over these Do’s and Don’ts and think about how you might put them into action when the time comes. By mentally preparing now, you’ll feel less overwhelmed, which allows you to show up much more fully for someone who needs you during a dark time in their life.
Desire a results-oriented holistic solution? Do you yearn to: Create more balance in your life; Stop feeling so exhausted; Un- cover your life’s passion; Attain clarity about what’s next for you; Revive your relationships; Craft a deeper spiritual con- nection; Access a place of health & hap- piness? Donna can guide you from here to there, call for your free 15-minute consultation and discover a different ap- proach. 336-540-0088. Offices in Greens- boro & Winston-Salem. Visit
www.don-
naburick.com. See ad on page 12.
Robinhood Integrative Health Bruce Lantelme, MD
Weston “Wiggy” Saunders, MD Elizabeth Bozeman, MD
Kelly Carpenter, NP-C • Christen Duke, NP-C Jenny Addison FNP-C • Gina Davis, FNP-C • Daniel Lackey, FNP-C 336.768.3335
www.RobinhoodIntegrativeHealth.com www.
HealthAsItOughtToBe.com
3288 Robinhood Road, Suite 202 • Winston-Salem, NC 217106 SEPTEMBER 2020
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