LIVING WELL
Etiquette 101
Grief
“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend who cares.” ~ Henri Nouwen
“Where grief is fresh,
any attempt to divert it only irritates.” ~ Samuel Johnson
it doesn’t really help the other person. I know grief can feel awkward and over- whelming, and because its uncomfortable often we run from it instead of being there for those we love.
W
Often, I hear from clients that when they are grieving it makes the situation worse when they have to manage the well intentioned yet unhelpful and inappropri- ate responses of others.
Here are some tips for proper grief
etiquette so you never have to feel adrift again. With these Do’s and Don’ts you can show up fully and be a comfort in a time
hen someone we love is expe- riencing grief we can’t help but feel bad also. While that’s nice,
of emotional need. Before we begin, I want to give a big shout out to Nithya Shanti for his contribution to this etiquette list.
4 Big Grief Don’ts
1. Don't ask what happened. I know it’s a automatic human response to want to know, but the grieving person has probably had to repeat the story of what happened dozens of times. You will fi nd out in due course. In addition, don’t deliberate on other painful areas like how it happened, how it could have been avoided, or whose fault it is. This only stirs up their painful memories repeatedly. It is neither kind nor sensitive. If they want to share the story
Daniel Lackey, FNP-C
www.RobinhoodIntegrativeHealth.com Daniel Lackey, FNP-C
Daniel Lackey, FNP-C is a board certified Nurse Practitioner. His background is in Emergency Medi- cine, with 5 years of experience as an ER nurse. His nurse practitioner degree includes specialties in fami- ly practice and adult gerontological acute care. Following his true pas- sion, however, he also obtained a certification in functional medi- cine. He finds it is truly rewarding and efficacious to address the root cause of illness instead of viewing the body as separate systems.
336.768.3335 16
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with you, they will do so themselves at the right time without your prodding.
2. Don't say, "If there is anything I can do, don't hesitate to ask". I know this is the absolute most common thing to say. It sounds helpful, yet it is not. Why? Because when you say this you put all the burden on the grieving person to reach out for help. Often from that dark place they have neither the energy nor clarity to ask for help.
3. Don't ask, "What are you going to do now?" Again, a very common response that seems helpful. However, in reality it shifts the grieving person’s attention to the
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