healingways
Enlightening Ideas about
MONEY
Think Independence, Intimacy, Integrity
by April Thompson M
oney influences our choice of job or home, and sense of security, worth and power; it
can also make life more or less conve- nient. Yet, despite its essential impor- tance, money is often a forbidden topic among family members.
Money Talk Taboo “We are not taught how to have a relationship with money on a psycho- logical or spiritual level; it isn’t part of our culture,” explains Bari Tessler, a Boulder, Colorado, financial therapist and author of The Art of Money. “The majority of our parents and grandparents didn’t receive a financial education, so they don’t understand emotions that relate to money or how to talk about it.” Tessler works with individuals, cou-
ples and creative entrepreneurs to help them “claim their worth in the world and
44 NA Triangle
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bring their skills and values into the mar- ketplace,” she says. Money is a frequent source of tension among couples, but Tessler notes it wasn’t even talked about in her graduate-level psychology training. “Money is emotional territory for people. You can’t just go to a financial planner, plot a budget and be on your merry way,” she observes.
Shifting Our Perceptions To change our relationship with money, Tessler says we need to understand our “money stories” that include the ways in which our personal experiences, together with subconsciously inherited familial and cultural attitudes, shape how we think about money. “The first step to changing our money
habits is being willing to deal with the tough issues,” says Mayuri Onerheim, author ofMoney Spirituality Conscious- ness, a retired accountant and spiritual
teacher of the Diamond Approach of self-realization, in Larkspur, California. “There is no change without some dis- comfort. It’s part of the spiritual journey.” Self-care, forgiveness and acceptance
are important throughout this process, advises Tessler, because many people bring feelings of guilt and shame to their relationship with money. She rec- ommends doing a “body check-in” to become aware of our physical reaction to related issues, whether it’s going on a reckless spending spree or bracing to ask for a raise. This stage paves the way for the practical work of learning to manage our money in alignment with our values, goals and dreams. It begins with developing practices to track, review and reflect upon spending and earning patterns.
Tactical Tools Tessler recommends utilizing one of
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