SMART | detour Horoscope


Aries (March 21 to April 19) “I bought a $7 pen today because I kept losing pens and I was sick of not caring.” - Mitch Hedberg. Put your passion into everything you do this month Ar- ies. Instead of going through the motions, find some- thing that will get you excited and do it. Once you find it, you’ll find that same passion throughout many more things in your life. Your lucky number is 7.


Taurus (April 20 to May 20) "Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool opotamus?” - Mitch Hedberg. Go ahead and say no to people this month, and don't feel badly about it. It’s time to take a breather and re-evaluate. Take care of yourself and your needs as much as you take care of the needs of the people around you. Your lucky number is 17.


Gemini (May 21 to June 20) “I think Bigfoot is blurry. That’s the problem.” - Mitch Hedberg. The sun is shining and the warm weather is back. Get out and enjoy nature. Go camping and breathe in the fresh air. Take some pictures and enjoy the sounds. Your lucky number is 21.


Cancer (June 21 to July 22) “I’m against picketing but I’m not sure how to show it.” - Mitch Hedberg. This month is about stand- ing up for what you believe in. Don’t settle with the status quo. If something is bothering you, this is a good month to bring up your concerns. The out- come will be positive. Your lucky number is 2.


Leo (July 23 to Aug. 22) “A dog is forever in the push-up position.” - Mitch Hed- berg. With the winter boots being put away, it’s time to take out the running shoes and getting more active. Make it a family affair and bring along everyone. The sunlight is out longer, and you should be too. Your lucky number is 15.


Virgo (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22) “I have no problem not listening to the Tempta- tions, which is weird.” - Mitch Hedberg. This month will see you faced with many temptations. Don’t forget what your main goal is. Self-discipline will be key, but the stars are aligned in your favour, so you can get through it. Your lucky number is 8.


Libra (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22) “I like refried beans. That’s why I want to try fried beans because maybe they’re just as good and weren’t wasting time.” - Mitch Hedberg. Try something you’ve never tried this month. It could be a new food. It could be jumping out of a plane. Whatever it is, the out- come will be positive and you’ll want to do it again. Enjoy the experience. Your lucky number is 28.


Scorpio (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21) “I want to hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m going to put pins into all the locations I’ve travelled to. First I’m going to have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it doesn’t fall down.” - Mitch Hedberg. It’s time to book that long-awaited vacation. A trip to a resort, a night of camping, or even a road trip will allow you to set your mind at ease and refresh. Your lucky number is 14.


Sagittarius (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21) “I like escalators because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs.” - Mitch Hedberg. This month is all about positivity for you Sagittarius. If something doesn’t work out the first time, find a new way and try again. Per- sistency will pay off this month. Your lucky number is 13.


Capricorn (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19) “I remixed the remix. It went back to normal.” - Mitch Hedberg. Sometimes you just need to hit the reset button. You’ve been feeling overwhelmed recently, and now it’s time to stop what you’re doing, take a deep breathe, and restart. Your lucky number is 20.


Aquarius (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18) “I don’t own a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.” - Mitch Hedberg. You will be much in demand over the next month, both as a friend and as a colleague. Just remember there are ways to impress others without break- ing the bank. Take off your watch and get back to them when it’s convenient for you. Your lucky number is 22.


Pisces (Feb. 19 to March 20) “I tried to walk into Target, but I missed.” - Mitch Hedberg. There’s the old saying, ‘if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.’ Well this month will test that theory. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, but it’s about how you react to those mistakes that will make you successful this month. Your lucky number is 31.


Te boys of summer are back Goldeyes set to defend American Association title


T


he Winnipeg Goldeyes, fresh off a championship performance last season, are back and ready to defend their American Association title.


Change is inevitable after any season and the Goldeyes


were no different. Tis past off-season saw the Fish lose a handful of players to retirement, trades, or signings. In the end, 11 players are returning who were in the cham- pionship lineup last season. Also returning is manager Rick Forney, who is back at


the helm for his 12th season. Forney will once again will be joined by hitting coach Tom Vaeth. Fans can be a part of history


With 50 home dates on the schedule, the Goldeyes have


plenty of exciting events planned throughout the season off the field as well. Here’s a few important dates: Home Opener - Te home-opener is set for May29th


against the Sioux Falls Canaries. Prior to the game, fans will witness the raising of the 2016 American Association championship banner and will be followed by the first of seven fireworks nights this season. Bark at the Park - Winnipeggers will also have a


chance to be a part of history this June when the Goldeyes host Bark in the Park. Bring your dog to Shaw Park on June 17th and try to break a Guinness World Record for most dogs watching a baseball game. Te current record is held by the Chicago White Sox who welcomed 1,122 dogs to a game last season. Canada Day - Winnipeg will host the Sioux Falls


Canaries June 30th where they will be wearing special Canadian jerseys as they get set to celebrate Canada’s 150th birthday the following afternoon. On Canada Day, Via Rail, who is celebrating baseball across Canada, will giving away two train tickets to Jasper, Alberta to one lucky fan. Te Goldeyes are also bringing back fan favourites


Bacon Night, Zombie Night, Hockey Night, and Shirt Off Our Backs night where fans have the opportunity to win the jersey off their favourite players back. Returning players will play a big role


On the field, fan favourite Reggie Abercrombie is


returning for his fourth season as a member of the Gold- eyes. Te American Association’s home-run king hit .297 with 20 home runs and 68 RBI in 95 games last season.


What better way to spend a warm summer evening than with the Goldeyes at Shaw Park.


Te 36 year old veteran also broke the league record for the most career home runs on July 14,2016 with a two- home run performance against the Sioux City Explorers. Also returning is outfielder Josh Romanski. Te 30 year


old, who was a big contributor for the Fish last season, hitting .305 in the regular season and .282 in the playoffs, is fresh off a spring training tryout with the Minnesota Twins. On the mound Winnipeg should have one of the strong-


est starting rotations in the entire American Association. Te club brought back four starters from 2016 with Mikey O’Brien, Edwin Carl, Kevin McGovern, and Duke Von Schamann all back in the fold. Te Fish begin the season on the road for 10-straight


games before returning to Shaw Park for their home- opener May 29th.


Did this really happen in Gimli? I


Felix Le Maistre


s this fake news? It was getting late and close to deadline very recently when the phone rang at my desk. I don’t


typically answer calls after a certain time, but not thinking too hard about it I lifted the receiver. What happened next has changed me forever. Te voice at the other end of the phone sounded


nervous. "Tey’re here" was all I could readily make out. “Who’s here?” I replied, sounding confused. “Tey’re here”, the reply came again, this time more assertively. “Who is here?" I replied once again, this time with a raised voice. Te line went dead. Silence filled the room, my cell pinged, and I have


a text! Looking at my cell an image appeared before me. Was this real? What sort of joke is this? I texted back, "Where is this? My reply was short and to the point. I received another message. It read, "Gimli!" Dropping everything I grabbed my coat and headed


to my car. I arrived in Gimli after having made great time and pulled my car over to the side of the road to check my phone once again. Te image was still encased in my mind so i began looking for some indication as to where this picture may have been taken from. My adrenalin started to pump as I came to the conclusion where it had been taken. Placing


Puzzle Solutions


my phone back down I headed for the spot. I parked and could see the image in front of me where


the picture had been taken. Tere was nothing there. Was this fake? I walked a small distance and saw what I thought was a log. It wasn’t. it was a hole. Te hole ap- peared to be large in size - maybe 16 feet in circumfer- ence - then I made out another, and another. I checked the picture once again. Yes, 3 legs appeared to be placed on the floor? Did a spaceship really land here? No other signs just three large round holes in the floor with each hole being some 4 feet deep, as if a heavy weight had sat there! Was I imagining this?


14 Smart Biz


www.smartbizwpg.com


June 2017


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