70 San Diego Reader April 20, 2017
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LEAD STORY — China’s public-park restrooms have for years suff ered toilet-paper theſt by residents who raid dispensers for their homes (a cultural habit, wrote Hong Kong’s South China Morning Post, expressing taxpayer feelings of “owning” public facilities), but the government recently fought back with technology. At Beijing’s popular Temple of Heaven park, dispensers now have facial-recognition scanners beside the six toi- lets, with pre-cut paper (about 24 inches long) issued only to users who pose for a picture. (Just one slug of paper can be dispensed to the same face in a nine-minute period, catastrophic for the diarrhea-stricken and requiring calling an attendant to override the machine.)
Latest Religious Messages — T e church-state “wall” leaks badly in Spindale, North Carolina, according to for- mer members of the Word of Faith Fellow- ship (reported in February by the Associated Press). Two state prosecutors (one a relative of the church’s founder) in nearby Burke and Rutherford counties allegedly coached Fellow- ship members and leaders how to neutralize government investigations into church “abuse” — coaching that would violate state law and attorney ethical standards. Fellowship offi cials have been accused of beating “misbehaving” congregants, including children, in order to repel their demons. (Among the Fellowship’s edicts revealed in the AP report: all dating, marriages, and procreation subject to approval; no wedding-night intimacy beyond a “godly” cheek kiss; subsequent marital sex limited to
30 minutes, no foreplay, lights off , missionary position.) — Babies born on the Indonesian island of Bali are still today treated regally under an obscure Hindu tradition, according to a February New York Times report, and must not be allowed to touch the earth for 105 days (in some areas, 210). (Carrying the infant in a bucket and set- ting that on the ground is apparently accept- able.) Each birth is actually a re-birth, they say, with ancestors returning as their own descen- dants. (Accidentally touching the ground does not condemn the baby, but may leave questions about negative infl uences.) — Catholic priest Juan Carlos Martinez, 40, apologized shortly aſt er realizing, as he said, he had gone “too far” in celebrating March’s carni- val in a town in the Galicia area of Spain — that he acted inappropriately in dressing as Playboy magazine founder Hugh Hefner, reclining on a red satin sheet on a parade fl oat carrying men dressed as classic Playboy “Bunnies.” Despite apparent public support for Father Martinez, his archbishop asked him to attend a “spiritual retreat” to refl ect on his behavior.
The Bedroom of Tomorrow — In March, vibrator customers were awarded up to $10,000 each in their class-action “inva- sion of privacy” lawsuit against the company Standard Innovation, whose We-Vibe model’s smartphone app collected intimate data (vibra- tor temperature and motor intensity) that could be associated with particular customers — and which were easily hackable, and controllable, by anyone nearby with a Bluetooth connection.
T e Illinois federal court limited the award to $199 for anyone who bought the vibrator but did not activate the app. — T e company British Condoms is now ac- cepting pre-orders for the iCon Smart Con- dom, with an app that can track, among other data, a man’s “thrust velocity,” calories expend- ed “per session,” and skin temperature, as well as do tests for chlamydia and syphilis. Projected price is about $75, but the tech news site CNet reported in March that no money will be col- lected until the product is ready to ship.
Perspective — T e U.S. House of Representatives, dem- onstrating particular concern for military vet- erans, enhanced vets’ civil rights in March by removing a source of delay in gun purchases. A 2007 law had required all federal agencies to enter any mentally ill clients into the National Instant Criminal Background Check database for gun purchases, but the new bill exempts veterans (including, per VA estimates, 19,000 schizophrenics and 15,000 with “severe” post- traumatic stress syndrome). An average of a dozen veterans a day in recent times have com- mitted suicide with guns.
Government in Action — Illinois has problems: a $130 billion unfund- ed pension crisis, 19 months without a budget, the lowest credit rating and highest property taxes in the country, and the murder rate in Chicago. However, at least the state house of representatives is not standing by idly. In Feb- ruary, it moved to designate October 2017 as
by Chuck Shepherd © 2017
Zombie Preparedness Month (basically, adding “zombie invasion” to the list of mobilizations for any natural disaster and urging residents to stockpile food and supplies for up to 72 hours). — Lawyers for former U.S. Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. have convinced federal offi cials that his bipo- lar disorder was “caused” by the stress of being a congressman and thus that he is entitled to “to- tal disability” worker compensation for an “on- the-job” injury — and thus to about $100,000 a year, tax-free, according to a February Chicago Tribune report. (Jackson, 51, also receives So- cial Security disability payments.) Lawyers said his disorder (oſt en attributed to genetic factors) surfaced during an investigation into Jackson’s looting of his campaign treasury for luxury goods and vacations (charges eventually settled with a guilty plea). Jackson dated his onset to June 2012, meaning that his last 72 House votes came while “totally” disabled.
The Aristocrats! — Among the facts revealed in the ongoing criminal proceedings against U.S. Navy offi cials and defense contractor Leonard (“Fat Leon- ard”) Francis, who is charged with arranging kickbacks: In 2007, Francis staged a party for the offi cials at the Shangri-La Hotel in the Phil- ippines during which (according to an indict- ment unsealed in March) “historical memo- rabilia related to General Douglas MacArthur were used by the participants in sexual acts.”
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