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Dear Hipster: Will there always be hipsters? If so, why? If not, why, and what will come after?
— DAISY
In one sense, hipsters have been around in one form or another since just about ever, so why assume that will ever change? So long as human civilization endures the apocalypse(s) cased in the warnings of every alarmist naysayer who secretly can’t wait to smugly glare across the smoldering wreckage of the world as we know it and say, “I told you we shouldn’t have invaded Syria,” or whatever event catalyzes the glob- ally obliterative war and subsequent zom- bie hellscape; there will always be some form of hipster to witheringly disregard the main- stream with a languor- ous meh. And yet, a chang-
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ing world may render the hipster irrelevant. If we somehow evolve into a society where everybody lives in his own little culture bubble — not actually an insane postulate — then there would effectively be no mainstream, and no space outside of it for the hipster. In that case, I suppose the contemporary hipster would evolve into a self-congratulatory autodidact, no longer dependant on prov- ing he is cooler than everyone else and thus no longer providing the vital social function of dictating the pace of coolness for better or worse. That sounds like a pretty sad existence to me, so I will keep my fingers crossed that the world will always need somebody to be super into the next big thing, at least till everybody else gets into it.
HIPSTER@SDREADER.COM
out having to do too much work? I know, that sounds a little sarcastic, but I’m serious. Surely there must be some clever, hipster means of suc- ceeding with mini- mal expenditures.
— B.
Any fraud will tell you he can predict the next big thing; to time the market, so to speak. Being nothing if not legit, I will not tell you such fictions, and I would say your best bet
for financial get-rich-quickism would be to swing wildly for the fences on whatever moves you make. Serendipity may just make you a gajillionaire. That said, thereare a few proven
hipster “business” models that you might peruse. (1) Get a cat. Make the cat a Snapchat
account. Post many pictures of the cat doing hilarious cat things, like sitting in boxes or drinking water out of the tap. Spam with hashtags. Amass followers. Let the Purina and Petco advertising dollars roll in. If this makes you feel like an unabashed corpo- rate sellout, ironically embrace thereality that, today, unless you are actively selling, you are being bought. (2) Open a brew-
ery. Despite the fact that it’s probably a bubble ripe for burst- ing, the beer industry fornow seemslikea
bottomless well from which an enterprising hipster might summon short-term profits exclusive of probably market saturation and steadily climbing prices that could never, for any reason, go down, right? (3) California is just begging for a
farm-to-table marijuana pizzeria. House- cured guanciale, free-range duck egg, and sour diesel sounds just about right. As a bonus, some terminally uncool buzz- killers suggest that stoners are more or less riding the hype train to the end of thelinehere, soyou can stay hiply above it all while charging $39 fora pizza that gets people high A.F.
— DJ Stevens
San Diego Reader April 20, 2017 11
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