In the Drum’s Heartbeat by Patricia J. Esposito


(On seeing Jason Perez of Beautiful Collision perform “Hold You”)


When I lose this body, spirit freed of iron joints, of arterial sludge and nerves that clench with the mind’s too-critical claims, when


in heaven’s ascension, I shake off this tight life, and my flesh in a puff disappears, I want one joy, miraculous: to play drums like Jason Perez.


Under his wild halo of hair, sun shining through that ‘fro, I want the fluid rumble of his life’s rhythm, each beat he makes to the singer’s call.


I want to speak like him in thumps and thrums, drumsticks in a crash and splatter, saying I feel you and you and you, in heartaches and in miracles.


I want to balance on the seat edge, waiting for the song’s next leap, to take it then and care for it, tap-tap tap-tap amid the feet’s pound-pound,


moving us to where we belong, somewhere in his smile—yes, when I die, I want the agony of his joy, head thrown back as the last rattle


pours from his arms, a wrist flick to release. 23


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