HEALTH
RICHARD BERCUSON Want to run fast? Be bow-legged! Every now and then, my knees ache.
There’s no real reason for them to ache, aside from the 30-40 km I run weekly. And perhaps age. But it makes me wonder about people who have knee problems because of physical abnormalities. Mine are mostly mental. For instance, there was my school classmate, Dougie the Doink. First, a clarification. Dougie referred to
himself as a doink, claiming a doink was much worse than a dink, which is what one bully teacher often called him. “At least he didn’t say I was a doink,”
Dougie pointed out. “Now that’d be bad.” (Back then, teachers got away with such things. And worse.) Dougie had many admirable qualities
during those halcyon school days. I honestly can’t recall many except one. He was an exceptionally fast runner. He was also rather bow legged. Dougie beat most kids at anything requiring
speed. Fastest around the bases. Fastest on end runs, with or without the football. Fastest on the court (though he couldn’t dribble at all, a minor quibble). Fastest down the school hallway and into the washroom out of sight after sprinkling sneezing powder on classmates’ shoulders. Even on the ice, where
yours truly wants to believe I had a skill advantage, Dougie blew by people. Until he’d reach the boards and had to turn, but sometimes you need to
sacrifice agility
for sheer speed. It’s bothered
me for decades 8 BOUNDER MAGAZINE
that I wasn’t bow legged enough to run (let alone skate) fast, like Dougie. Not being able to run fast is disconcerting for runners like me who, when they enter races, tend to want to race. The medical term to describe bow-or
bandy-legged people is genu varum. Genu is the Latin word for “Joint that Bobby Orr never really had. “Varum is also Latin and means “Wide enough to drive a chariot through.” (Evidently early medical practitioners just weren’t into plain language.) Research now tells us that yes indeed,
bow-legged people like Dougie the Doink are naturally faster. Pigeon-toed ones, too. Sport medicine specialist Dr. Gabe Mirkin,
M.D., reported as much for CBS News earlier in the year. This probably explains my instincts to have always sought out the bow- legged or pigeon-toed students in my phys. ed. classes and tried to ensure there was an equal number on opposite teams. “Um, Mister Bercuson, why did you put
Carter on the opposite team from Hefferson? Hefferson runs like a gazelle.” “Instinct, young fellow. He’s bow-legged.” “But sir, Carter weighs 475 lbs.” “Then you’d best get out of the way when
he reaches top gear.” The lessons we learn from watching these
speed merchants are not learned til much later in life. Like around now − which, if we wait much longer, will be too late. Those adolescent speed demons may today suffer from knee or hip injuries. As we age, bad things happen. Parts droop
and sag. Sections that used to function as one seem to be on the verge of divorce. The need for speed is replaced by rest is best. It doesn’t necessarily follow that the bow-
legged child becomes the bow-legged adult. In fact, it’s fairly common for children to be bow continued on page 32
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