CARPE DIEM
Decatur High School 310 N. McDonough St. Decatur, GA 30030
carpediem@csdecatur.net
OR CURRENT RESIDENT
NON-PROFIT U.S. POSTAGE
Decatur GA 30030 PERMIT 680
PAID
By Hannah Reiss | Illustration by Adele Thomas
InTHEIR Gertie Puckerton
words
The iPhone 4S was released earlier this month, and critics were largely disappointed that it looked the same and wasn’t a complete revamp. Do you think that it’s still worth buying?
WHY ME?
I don’t rightly know what to think about this newfangled technological in- nervation. I also don’t know why you want my opinion anyhow. My vacuum is my favorite device. It’s a cannister one. I love that thing. It sucks up most of my poodle’s hairs. Most poodles don’t shed, but Petunia does. I still haven’t figured that one out.
THE NAME
Why does that thing have such a silly name. I’ve got a phone. It’s my phone. Not iPhone. What do teachers teach in school these days? Te rules of gram- mar is important. Doesn’t Apple have someone who can do grammar? It’s a big company, right? Teir grammarmatician shoulda caught that one.
SAME OLD LOOK
Everybody’s all huffy ‘cause the iPhone doesn’t have a new look. I think it’s smart that Apple didn’t redo nothing. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Tat’s my motto. I haven’t even changed my light bulbs in seven years. Well, actually, those are broken, but I take my motto seriously.
PRODUCE PROBLEMS
I really don’t get these fruit products. Why apples and blackberries? And why do they want me to design my own gizmo? People put down a pretty penny for their little gadget. It should come out of the box just right. Add my own apps? None of this laziness – those smarties should know what I need.
CLOSE CALL
You naysayers may be thinking that I haven’t actually tried any of these fruity devices for my own self. Well, I vehiculated myself over to one of those Apple stores just a few months ago. Tey’d finally made that iPad. I went in all excited-like and must have knocked over a few kiddies in my hurry. I nabbed that sucker off the display table as soon as I saw it. Tought I heard a beep- ing, but figured it was my hearing aid battery going dead. Ten some security guard asked me what I thought I was doing. My pacemaker started pounding. Apparently, that one wasn’t for sale. Why was it out then? Tat store bothered me. Should have just stayed home and vacuumed up after Petunia.
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