HOWARD CAMNER
Portrait as
Self-
Saint Dennis
He just wanted to say his piece To do what those crazy cats do at Speakers’ Corner in Hyde Park
But Saint Dennis did it dirty (or so some say) way back when now was then the third century hard-boiled bishop with Rusticus on his right, the deacon on his left spread the word like jelly on bread and then – he lost his head
on the highest hill in the City of Light halfway up Martyr’s Mountain (the Hill of Mercury and Mars) some pissed off priest drew his sword and took off his top
But first he was frantically flogged, ripped on the rack, burned at the stake, and tossed to savage beasts for a midday munch
and then WHAM! Off with his head!
Now here’s the kicker: his decapitated body stands up, brushes itself off, picks up its head, and carries it face forward for 6 miles up that high hill with the head still talking!
Still talking!!!
Preaching this and that, yack yack yack and now a semi-scientific fact:
(or so some say)
So if Saint Dennis walked 3 mph for 6 miles, after 10 minutes his brain stopped working and he was still jabbering away. He talked for one hour and 50 minutes with no brain and no point
When someone buys it suddenly, the brain still functions on some low level for 10 full minutes
with bad booze slipping from their grip and their rhetorical chants of “String up the Queen!”
inspiring all kinds of people, politicians, and in some weird way the 1962 cult classic B monster movie “The Brain That Wouldn’t Die” starring Jason Evers as the crazy doctor and Virginia Leith as “Jan in the Pan” the head that wouldn’t shut the hell up:
nag nag nag yack yack yack bitch bitch bitch
Fed up with his own chatter, Saint Dennis takes his head and heads down to the bowling alley at 11 Rue Gaston de Caillavet (where that angry old man who hates kids and foreigners works) and tries to win that ring for a perfect 300 score, so he can hold up his head with pride
When you bowl for converts you want to roll shots with what bowlers call “a high rev rate and a real strong snap”
Saint Dennis wants to bowl before the matron Catulla buries him for good and wheat sprigs sprout up from his grave like lightning
He wants to bowl
before the battle begins over who owns his head; his namesake Abbey or undefeated Notre-Dame
But he can’t get as high as that hill He’s stuck on low
His thumb release is too slow
His nose makes his head hook to the right So he cuts off his nose despite his face
poetsandartists.com 39
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