By Diana Dworin
The faith of boys T
Parents can help their sons tap into spirituality
he different ways that boys and girls relate to the world around them has long been a source of debate and fascination for parents and researchers alike. While some believe gender plays a significant role in how children behave and learn, others downplay those differ- ences as exaggerations. When it comes to a child’s faith formation, some schol- ars and pastors say it’s worthwhile for parents to consider the ways gender can frame the experience—especially for boys.
Media messages tell boys they’re supposed to be tough and self-reliant—two key characteristics of what researchers call the “boy code” of popular culture. But this code can cause some boys to feel disconnected from the message of Christian spirituality, which calls for a measure of emotional vulner- ability and an ethic of following Jesus’ lead rather than blazing an independent trail, said Allan Hugh Cole Jr., editor of the Jour- nal of Childhood and Religion.
DESIGN PICS
“Spirituality and religion, at its best, offers to boys a way to push back against some of the con- straints that the ‘boy
code’ puts in front of them,” said Cole, co-author of Los- ers, Loners, and Rebels: The Spiritual Struggles of Boys (Westminster John Knox Press, 2007).
Parents can help their sons along the path of faith for- mation when they: • “Speak” their language. Parents help spur spiritual growth when they weave movement, exercise, a service project or some other activity into their ongoing fam- ily conversations about faith, said Tim Wright, pastor of Community of Grace Lutheran Church, Peoria, Ariz., which offers single-sex Sunday school classes and exten- sive rite of passage programs for boys. Parents also help their sons engage themes from the Bible by using visual
Pass the faith
props and metaphors—just as Jesus often did when he taught the disciples, Wright said. • Encourage close friendships. Quality friendships between boys provide a laboratory for learning how to open up to another person and let your guard down, Cole said. “Friendships allow boys to develop trust in other people and to learn to see themselves as someone who is also valued,” he said. This experience can spill over in ways that help boys craft a sense of a relationship with God. DESIGN PICS
Tried & true Parenting resources that work
Slingshots can be dangerous—and, yes, they’re one of those things that actually can put an eye out. But with prudent adult supervision and a healthy dose of common sense, a homemade slingshot can be a hands-on way to engage older boys in the story of David and Goliath (1 Samuel 17). Go on a hike and hunt for Y-shaped branches among fallen tree limbs. Cut the branch to a size you can hold, and attach a piece of elastic between the arms. Set up a pyramid of empty cans in an open space free of people and pets. Use the slingshot to propel a foam ball or whiffle golf ball (not rocks or hard objects, mind you) and see if you can knock the cans down.
Share your opinion or story at
www.thelutheran. org. Send questions to diana@passthefaith. org.
Lutheran mom
Dworin, 42, is a mother of three and a former parenting magazine editor.
April 2012 41
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