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By Diana Dworin


Pass the faith


disagree until you’ve listened to the end. To avoid misunderstandings, try para- phrasing back with: “So, what I hear you saying is …?” • View listening as a spiritual practice. Listening is a vital spiritual practice because it’s an expression of love and hospitality for others, and it’s a founda- tion for healthy relationships and peace- making. Throughout the Bible we find stories of people listening for God and of God listening to people. Christians are called to be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19, Proverbs 18:13). 


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Say what? T


Now


Becoming better listeners takes practice and focus


uning out the background noise of family life—from the dog barking in the yard to the kids bickering in the back- seat—is a skill most parents practice from time to time. Some days it takes patience, focus and a few deep breaths to keep the racket from rattling you. The effort it takes to tune out, experts say, is similar to the concentration needed for the exact opposite: to tune in and become better listeners. Skilled listeners don’t just hear words and nod their heads. Instead, they focus on listening with a generous ear and a goal of understanding. “Listening to others, inside and outside the family, is part of our calling as disciples of Christ,” said Judith Simonson, the ELCA’s assistant director for ministries in chaplaincy, pastoral counseling and clinical education. “Listening is hard work that requires much self-discipline and time, but we have the satisfaction of knowing that we sit in Jesus’ place as we listen to one another in love.” Parents and kids can improve their listening skills when


they: • Practice the basics. Even small children can learn three keys to good listening: look others in the eye, remain turned in their direction and resist the urge to interrupt. Pay atten- tion to facial expressions and body language because these can give you important clues about how the speaker is feeling. • Give full attention. Concentrate on what the person is say- ing, not on what response to give. Hold your comments and questions until that person is finished. And don’t decide to


what? My son’s friend goes to the ‘big’ church


Q: My child’s best friend goes to the “big” church in town, and he has invited my son to visit. They’ve got so many fun things there, including a game room and rock music during wor- ship. I’m worried my son will like his friend’s church better than our small, less flashy congregation. Should I let him go? A: While video games and electric guitars might grab a child’s attention, those aren’t the things that ultimately keep kids (or adults) content at a particular church. The depth of relationships within a caring community of faith matters more. Your child likely wants to visit his friend’s church because it’s a chance to hang out with a close buddy. Ultimately, it’s up to you whether you let your child go or not. But don’t base your deci- sion solely on the fear that your home church will come up short. Share your opinion or story at


www.thelutheran.org. Send questions to diana@ passthefaith. org.


Lutheran mom


Dworin, 41, is a mother of three and a former parenting magazine editor.


September 2011 41


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