‘Frankenpastor ’ R
eligion may be a question of faith and science a matter of fact, but the two meshed in a musical comedy staged by a north Portland congregation. Written by Jim Van Dyke and his son, Andrew, The Bride of Franken- pastor details a quest by the fictional Whale County Lutheran Church to find a pastor. Appropriately enough, the Van Dykes’ congregation, Bethel Lutheran, is searching for a pastor. Conventional efforts to line up a minister proved fruitless for Whale County, whose candidates included a circus performer who favored fire- eating for Pentecost, a Lawrence Welk wannabe who wanted to use a bubble machine during communion, and a ventriloquist “more wooden than his dummy.”
So the call committee tries a dif- ferent approach. They hire a mad scientist (who was renting space in the church basement) to create a pastor— and spouse.
The musical played to overflow crowds during its 11 performances last November.
“It takes so much time and effort, we just can’t do any more than that,” said Loretta Van Dyke, Jim’s wife and part of the support crew during Fran- kenpastor, one of dozens of shows the “Bethel Players” have staged over nearly three decades. “We crammed 100 or 110 people into a room that really only holds 75.” The Players’ efforts serve as a fund- raiser for Bethel (weekly attendance is about 45) and its drop-in center
Congregation stages search for pastor and spouse By Steve Lundeberg
for kids after school and during the summer. Frankenpastor generated roughly $18,000 (1,000 tickets sold) and was the fourth production co- written by the Van Dykes.
Jim, 54, spent 30 years at a phone company and has been a Bethel mem- ber nearly his entire life. Andrew, 25, works at a movie theater and is planning to enroll at Portland State University. They are now working on a Nordic farce with the working title “My Fair Viking.” Frankenpastor features upward of a dozen pop and rock tunes—by artists such as Janis Joplin, Bon Jovi, Aretha Franklin, the Bee Gees and the Beach Boys—into which the Van Dykes sub- stituted original lyrics. “The songs,” Jim said, “are as much of a challenge as the script.”
The Bethel Players are credible from a vocal and instrumental stand- point. Brian Baker, who brings to life mad scientist Dr. Colin Clive, showcased his guitar and singing talents with a rendition of the Talking Heads’ “Burnin’ Down the House” called “Working on a Spouse.” Inci- dentally, Dr. Clive earned his degree in “mad sciences” from the University of Northern Montana State Techni- cal College, reputed alma mater of Dr. Strangelove, Dr. Scholl and Dr. Pepper.
Upon taking on the job of creat- ing a Lutheran pastor, he asks the call committee, “Missouri Synod?” The rebuke is strong: “No, no, no! We want our pastor to have charisma!” Clive doesn’t meet the committee’s
Lundeberg is the associate editor for the Albany (Ore.) Democrat-Herald. He writes a blog at
http://stevelundeberg.mvourtown.com.
MICHAEL D. WATSON July 2011 25
request for a pastor with Brad Pitt’s body, but in the end fashions a minis- ter and wife—the union an attempt to convince the synod that the lab- constructed and verbally chal- lenged Frankenpastor has the kind of “domestic, complete lifestyle” a min- ister probably ought to be displaying. The synod, incidentally, becomes involved because “there are no records of a pastor being hired and yet the church is paying its benevolences as if they had hired somebody. And as we all know, no church ever sends their benevolences unless the pastor reminds them to do so.” The Bride of Frankenpastor ends happily for all concerned in matters of love, spirituality and finances.
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