This page contains a Flash digital edition of a book.
news Jack Riepe not dead yet By Wes Fleming #87301


TOMS RIVER, N.J. (MOA) – A LATE- night ambulance ride saw venerable Owners News contributor and irasci- ble K-bike aficionado Jack Riepe deposited in the intensive care unit of Community Medical Center on the evening of 3 December 2015. Perhaps thanks to liberal applications of cigars, coffee and herbal supplements, Riepe continues to avoid “random tours of the morgue,” as he related in a Facebook post on 28 December. Despite online reviews of the hos-


pital such as, “Community Medical almost killed my brother” and “If you get shot, you’re better off going to a homeless man,” Riepe is still currently alive as of early February 2016. Following a diagnosis of Athlete’s Leprosy, Riepe summoned a young priest and an old priest, plying them with used oil filters and old copies of Hustler to “get cracking on something.” Many of Riepe’s friends expressed


disappointment at the diagnosis, as they had other diseases in the betting pool (This writer bet his R 1200 GS on scurvy, in hindsight a grave error, as Riepe’s teeth remain firmly in place). Riepe moved from the hospital to a


rehab center in late January, but remains in quarantine and is not accepting visitors. He says he’s weak, but somehow retains enough energy


to pinch nurses and complain about blood thinners sapping his will to shave. Uncon- firmed reports have come in saying he’s already met his next ex-wife in the rehab facility. Ever aware of his loyal and growing


legion of fans, Riepe gave assurances he would resume submitting columns to Owners News as soon as possible, sooner if his bedpans start filling up with premium ice cream. When contacted for a reaction to this news item, he coughed roughly, inhaled something deeply, and said, “Tell them the revised ‘cursed’ edition of the second


edition of Conversations with a Motorcycle is in the works, and I hope to have its sequel, Motorcycles Speak Louder Than Words, available at the rally in New York this summer.” Riepe received his discharge from the


rehab facility and returned home on 3 Feb- ruary. He swears he will straighten up and fly right, just as soon as he gets over being dumped by his former fiancée, Nurse Ratched, who said, “Any man who loves motorcycles more than he loves me has obviously got something seriously wrong with him.”


www.parabellum.com


42


BMW OWNERS NEWS March 2016


news


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52  |  Page 53  |  Page 54  |  Page 55  |  Page 56  |  Page 57  |  Page 58  |  Page 59  |  Page 60  |  Page 61  |  Page 62  |  Page 63  |  Page 64  |  Page 65  |  Page 66  |  Page 67  |  Page 68  |  Page 69  |  Page 70  |  Page 71  |  Page 72  |  Page 73  |  Page 74  |  Page 75  |  Page 76  |  Page 77  |  Page 78  |  Page 79  |  Page 80  |  Page 81  |  Page 82  |  Page 83  |  Page 84  |  Page 85  |  Page 86  |  Page 87  |  Page 88  |  Page 89  |  Page 90  |  Page 91  |  Page 92  |  Page 93  |  Page 94  |  Page 95  |  Page 96  |  Page 97  |  Page 98  |  Page 99  |  Page 100  |  Page 101  |  Page 102  |  Page 103  |  Page 104  |  Page 105  |  Page 106  |  Page 107  |  Page 108  |  Page 109  |  Page 110  |  Page 111  |  Page 112  |  Page 113  |  Page 114  |  Page 115  |  Page 116  |  Page 117  |  Page 118  |  Page 119  |  Page 120  |  Page 121  |  Page 122  |  Page 123  |  Page 124