Well tended ‘fences’ can benefit you and others By PAULA HENNESSY
We’ve all heard the maxim, “good fences make good neighbors.” Variations of this saying exist across many cultures. A friend related a story that illustrates this saying. My friend lives on one side of a duplex, and another family rents the other half. The neighbor’s front door and porch are on the side of the house. My friend’s front door and porch face the road. One day, he came home to find that, without permission, his neighbor had placed two ceramic elves riding tractors on his front steps. A few days later, they added cow-inspired wind chimes and then lanterns and a few chairs. Most recently, a flowerpot and old milk can magically appeared. The family seems to be “marking its territory” by gradually encroaching on my friend’s porch, breaking the boundaries of both good taste and social norms. Its actions, whether planned to gain more space or just random acts of rudeness, has created a relationship problem.
Boundary issues often arise at work as well. We all know people who seem to have no idea how to act in what used to be called, “polite company.” Their lack of control and understanding of social graces creates chaos.
Poet Carl Sandburg said, “Love your neighbor as yourself; but don’t take down the fence.”
Maintaining boundaries in both personal and professional relationships is essential to functional interactions, and good mental health.
Fences work both ways. They keep things out and keep things in. If you are on either side you can feel frustrated unless the purpose for the boundary is clear. Robert Frost’s poem, “Mending Wall” describes neighbors repairing a stone wall each spring. One neighbor is not sure why the partition is being maintained, but the other assures him that “good fences make good neighbors.” In “mending fences” the wall and the friendship are preserved.
A synonym for boundary is barrier. That word brings to mind Hadrian’s Wall, Ming Great Wall and the impenetrable Wall in “Game of Thrones.” Massive structures such as these are constructed for protection and to maintain the equilibrium of power. But walls serve other purposes as well.
Preserving an appropriate, professional distance can be especially difficult for PEF leaders. We often develop caring, empathetic relationships with members with whom we work, as we struggle in unison over workplace issues. This is not a bad thing in itself, except when people misuse the relationship parameters and sap our time and strength. The best way to prevent such abuse is to develop and
hold on to your “sense of self,” your fence. What is the best way to assemble your
fence? The first tactic in constructing a useful boundary is to believe that it is OK to do so. You are worthy and entitled to your space and have earned the right to expect others to honor it as well. To set and preserve boundaries is to say no gracefully. Be realistic about what is possible to accomplish given all your obligations and personal needs. Communicate those limits clearly and consistently. Let everyone know that you care enough about yourself and them to set personal boundaries. This is all about the work/life balance we crave and need in life and that PEF’s PS&T Contract Team is fighting to improve for members. It is important that we also are faithful in honoring the boundaries of others, that we support the “sense of others.” This means listening and learning how others operate. Understanding can only be achieved through good interpersonal communication.
The important nature of boundaries can be likened to sand dunes on the beach. These mounds of sand are there for a purpose: to preserve the relationship between sea and land. Forces of nature erode dunes sometimes. We achieve balance when we make sure the boundaries are restored.
As a member or retiree of PEF, you could receive exclusive savings on auto and
home insurance from Liberty Mutual.1
Along with valuable savings, you’ll enjoy access to benefits like 24-Hour Claims Assistance.
For a free quote, call 1-800-225-8281 or visit
www.libertymutual.com/pefmbp.
1 Discounts and savings are available where state laws and regulations allow, and may vary
by state. To the extent permitted by law, applicants are individually underwritten; not all applicants may qualify. Auto coverage provided and underwritten by Liberty County Mutual Insurance Company, 2100 Walnut Hill Lane, Irving, TX. Home coverage provided and underwritten by Liberty Insurance Corporation, 175 Berkeley Street, Boston, MA 02116. ©2015 Liberty Mutual Insurance
www.pef.org
Facebook.com/PublicEmployeesFederation
The Communicator July/August 2015 — Page 25
COMMUNICATION NOTES
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32