BERNIE


By Bernie Siegel, MD words of wisdom... ...for Teens


This month Bernie answers 3 common questions that he receives regarding the emotional health of teens:


1. What can teenagers do today to help ensure a healthy future emotionally, physically and spiritually?


Studies reveal that when a child grows up feeling loved by


their parents we do not have to worry about their future emotion- ally, physically or spiritually. The opposite of love is indifference and if one seeks attention through self destructive behavior the end result is obvious. What teenagers can do is abandon their past and all the neg-


ativity associated with it and use their anger and energy to change their lives and reparent themselves. “When you let love into your prison it changes all the negative items in it (meaning the experi- ences in your life) and turns them into something meaningful.” Those are the words of a woman who was abused as a child. Teens can also look for chosen parents who will accept and


love them even when their behavior is not liked. These are people who love you no matter what, even when they are critical of your behavior as do most parents and many teachers and religions. So fi nd someone to coach you through life who has had a major loss or illness because they will know what lessons are important for survival. The most important thing for teenagers to realize is that sui-


cide is not ever the treatment of choice. A young man I know, Tony Johnson who wrote “A Rock and A Hard Place”, was plan- ning to commit suicide. Tony was HIV+ due to sexual abuse by his parents and others. I told him we could get a gun and kill his parents instead. He said, “No I never want to be like them”. You were never meant to eliminate yourself. You were meant to love yourself and your neighbors. What you need to eliminate is that which is killing you physically, emotionally and spiritually. You must not give up the life you want for yourself in order to please


8 Essential Living Maine ~ August 2014


others. When you do, you lose your life. You must be willing to lose the untrue self and save your authentic life. You are a divine child so get your baby pictures out and live for that awesome child. And like children and animals, when you need attention and love make noise, move and express your feelings.


2. In your opinion, what defi nes success and how can teens work to achieve success?


I have seen many children of millionaires suffering because


their parents gave them money, which they were to use in an ef- fort to make more money and be successful. One young man said to me, “My father ruined my life when I was 21. He gave me a million dollars and told me I had to be a success.” What would his father have said if he started a charity with the money? Most parents give their children mottoes to die by and not live by. What is your defi nition of success. If it is a big estate and lots


of money you will never be happy or successful. When speaking to a group of young business owners, all of whom were million- aires I asked, “Is life fair?’ They yelled no louder than any group I have ever spoken to. A young man in therapy for the grief that trying to be a suc-


cess was causing him said, “When you are a success you are not happy, but when you are happy you are a success”. Decide how you want to serve the world and then go do it.


You will be living your life and accomplishing what we are all here to accomplish in our lifetime. And when you enjoy serving in your way, Monday morning will not be a threat to your health and you will never feel like you are working. Because it is only work if there is someplace else you’d rather be.


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