November 2012


www.hamptonroadsmessenger.com Your Opinion Matters


8 Ways Hip-Hop Can Help You Understand Your Kids


BY RANDY WILLIAMS How many times have you gone


through the songs in your child’s IPod and been perplexed by names such as Tech N9ne, Cyhi the Prynce, Royce Da 5’9, Young Jeezy and Lil Wayne? Like it or not hip-hop culture has influenced every aspect of our society and is gaining popularity with every new song that is leaked on the internet. In many cases, hip-hop has a greater influence on children than their parents do. Without having to subject yourself to hours of music (most of which is inaudible) you can now understand hip-hop’s influence on your children and use that knowledge to become a better parent. Here are 8 aspects of hip-hop that will help you understand and connect with your children.


• Allow rebellion -- The hip-hop


culture was created out of rebellion to the status quo or the “establishment”. When your kids begin to contradict everything that you stand for don’t take it personal, just know that it’s a natural process and it’s necessary for them to come into their own.


• Be direct with them – Always


be extremely lucid on what your expectations are for your children even when it’s not popular. Hip-hop culture speaks its mind (see Kanye West’s infamous President Bush video) and your kids will listen more to you if you do the same. Also, allow your children to be direct with you as well in order to keep the lines of communication open.


• Brag about them – In a world


of shameless self-promotion hip-hop reigns supreme. Rappers do not hesitate to toot their own horn and share with listeners how much “swag” they have. Take a page out of rap lyrics and brag publicly about your children’s ac- complishments. They may be slightly embarrassed but your adulation will encourage their continued success.


• Embrace their creativity –


Your teenager may start to make requests for you to buy them strange articles of clothing or to get their hair cut in eccentric styles but don’t let this alarm you. Creativity is one of the things that makes the hip-hop culture so influential. Allow them to express their creativity as long as it coincides with your personal family values.


• Promote independence – The


great thing about independence is that it is defined by the person to whom it’s given. Each child is different so independence for your child could be going to the mall unsupervised for a few hours and for another it could be having friends over to play videos games. Don’t underestimate the small things that your children find invaluable. Rappers like to at least have the appearance of being independent.


Salad Days: Becoming A Vegetarian To Remember Grandma


BY ANDREW LAM SAN FRANCISCO -- For a period


of a month sometime ago I became a vegetarian. Some people won't eat meat because they think it's cruel to animals, or because of health concerns. My reason is a little different: it is love.


I simply wanted to honor my


grandmother's memory by not eating meat. A devout Buddhist, grandma spent a large part of her life as a vegetarian, and some of my fondest childhood memories in Vietnam were sharing a meal with her.


In fact, as a child, I learned how to


Randy Williams is an author, speaker, entrepreneur and youth leadership consultant. He currently resides in Virginia Beach, VA.


• Earn their respect –


Many parents think that respect is automatic because they have the title “parent”, unfortunately young people don’t see things that way. In the hip-hop community respect has to be earned. Some rappers release free “underground” music for years before they experience commercial success. They spend time, money and energy building their fan base and creating a reputation for themselves. No concessions are given and fans evaluate artists on everything they do. Your kids are watching to see if your actions and your words match up. So in the same manner, parents should give themselves time to earn their children’s respect and they will notice the benefits thereof.


• Appeal to their aspirations


– Turn to MTV or BET and you will see images of wealth and success as portrayed through the eyes of the hip-hop community. Traditionally, the most successful hip-hop artists such as Jay-Z, Eminem, 2Pac and The Notorious B.I.G. had a rags-to-riches story and as a result, many hip-hop fans place value on the person who “made it big” and changed his life. To be a more effective parent, appeal to the side of your child that has lofty goals and encourage those goals. Reinforce the belief that they can become anything they wish and watch the impact they make on the world.


• Encourage their talents – If


your child takes a lasting interest in something that is not considered a “real job” don’t discourage them from participating in it. Who would have thought years ago that people could earn a living designing video games, doing street art, selling trendy t-shirts or hosting a hip-hop website. If your child has an unusual talent, allow it to grow and develop because it may turn into something great.


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appreciate food not from fancy dishes my mother regularly whipped up, but from the simple meals my grandmother prepared. In her presence a piece of crunchy green pickled eggplant was incredibly delicious, and fried tofu dipped in sweetened soy sauce delectable. Often dinner with grandma would come with ghost stories and fairy tales she knew from her childhood in rural North Vietnam. And considering that grandma was the matriarch of our large clan with 42 grandchildren, I had felt extraordinarily privileged to dine alone with her.


After dinner, it would be time


for prayers. I would help her light incense and candles and put up plates of fruits for offerings to Buddha and our ancestors. For an hour or so, she would chant and beat on a wooden fish, a percussion instrument made of a hollow wooden block originally used by Buddhist priests to beat rhythm when chanting scriptures.


Grandma passed away more than


a decade ago. Now I am an adult living in cosmopolitan San Francisco, and incense smoke, wooden fish, vegetarian suppers and ghost stories are the rituals of a distant past.


But then one morning it occurred


to me that I could no longer recall the sound of my grandmother's voice and


it left me feeling bereft. So I decided to become a vegetarian for a month. It's something grandma would do as a way to honor those who died before her. And I could do no less.


In a city famous for its dining


experience, this was not easy. I turned down several dinner parties for fear of offending the hosts. I avoided walking by restaurants where enticing aromas wafted in the air. My best friend wondered if I was going through a mid-life crisis. And gossip in my circle had it that I had shaved my head and was about to join a Buddhist monastery.


In truth, I wanted to break my resolve many times.


What got me through that


month-long diet was this particular memory of my grandmother. Confined to a wheelchair in her last few years in a convalescent home in San Jose, Calif., and suffering from senility, she had largely forgotten who I was. But not what she was about.


I see again her trembling hand


as she poked at the mash potato and green beans on her plate at lunchtime one afternoon, avoiding the meatloaf in the middle. Frail and sickly, she nevertheless meticulous kept a lunar calendar on which Buddhist holidays were honored by Buddhist sutras recitation and consumption of vegetarian meals. It was her way, and grandma followed it through to the very end.


And so for a month last year I, too, followed her way. I fried tofu, steamed vegetable, cooked rice and prepared soy sauce. I lit incense for the departed. invited friends who wanted to taste vegetarian food. And as we ate, I told them ghost stories I knew as a child.


Then one late evening, while


dining alone and in solemnity, the lyrical sound of her laughter suddenly came back to me. I savored Grandma's favorite pickled eggplant. I remembered the dead.


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