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THE WEIRS TIMES & THE COCHECO TIMES, Thursday, December 29, 2011 Formerly & Everywhere! RFD# to the gulf stream waters A 2012 Wish List by Lorrie Baird As we stand at the cusp


of a New Year I figured it couldn’t hurt to throw out my 2012 Wish List and see where it lands. I have lived long enough to know that the big and important stuff probably won’t come true; you know - things like peace on earth and goodwill to men (human- kind if you insist on being politically correct). The human nature in all of us keeps messing up that one every year and for 2012 I can’t see it getting much better. No, my wish list for 2012


is far less complicated, ever believing that it’s the simple things in life that bring us daily joy. Things like lotion pumps that ac- tually reach the stuff on the bottom. I am tired of nothing but


air emerging from pumps with a third of the product still in there. Lazier peo- ple just throw the bottles away which I’m sure is the reason they make them that way. Me? I’m far too cheap - although I prefer to call it frugal - which means that for the next two weeks the bottle is going to live upside down and I am going to paint the lotion on with the pump wand down to the last precious drop. Then, I stick my little finger inside to swipe up the last bit of moisture. If one of your medicated lotions cost ten dollars a bottle you’d do this too. If only I had the power to magically make pump tubes longer I’d save the world a lot of frustration, not to men- tion lotion. Have you noticed that


hard plastic packaging has gotten even harder to open lately? Maybe it’s me, but it takes nothing


short of dynamite to liber- ate something like a curl- ing iron from its plastic prison. I tried stabbing the plastic with a knife once and stabbed myself instead. I’ve used scissors only to render them use- less forever. Now I simply hand off all impenetrable plastic packaging to Jim who dons work gloves and safety glasses and attacks them with a hacksaw. Life would be so much better in 2012 if all hard plastic packaging was replaced with cardboard. I would make this request a per- sonal mission but I can’t afford a lobbyist. Jim announced the good


news yesterday that the only important legislation the dems and repubs have been able to agree on and pass is going to take an entire year to put into ef- fect. Just when I FINALLY thought commercials were going to be mandated to be lowered to a decibel beneath ear-blowout, we have to wait an entire year for quieter commercials. The reasoning behind this less than good news is to give commercial-makers time to make the neces- sary adjustments. For years these people have been claiming that loud commercials are a fig- ment of our imagination. Then why do they need a year to comply? So don’t expect softer commercials in 2012. Have a problem with that? Take it up with the lobbyists. Good luck with that. The top item on my wish


list for 2012 is a presi- dential candidate who does not require on the job training like the last one…and he still doesn’t know what he’s doing. So far we have had three old guys: one who had to drop out for marriage counseling; one who is a charter member of the Washington DC Good Ol’


Boys Club that got us in trouble in the first place; and a former physician who claims to have been too busy doctoring to pay any attention to what was printed in his own politi- cal newsletter. And we have two pretty


I have lots of other items


on my 2012 Wish List too: things like hoping to wake up one morning ten pounds thinner without even trying. Answering the doorbell to find Pub- lisher’s Clearinghouse and a billboard check on


No, my wish list for 2012 is far less complicated, ever believing that it’s the simple things in life that bring us daily joy


boy younger candidates: one who couldn’t remem- ber that the United States actually has a Department of Energy and the other who would win hands down if this election was a GQ beauty contest. I am talking about Mitt Romney of course who, I believe is as intelligent as he is good looking. For some reason I have the worst time trying to get his name to come out straight; every single time I say “Ritt Momney.” I sincerely hope this is not an omen for the upcoming election - we have enough stuff backwards in this country.


the other side; or having a letter arrive in the mail declaring me an heir of a long lost rich relative’s estate…like, that’s ever going to happen. Instead, I have learned to be content with the


simplest of things; such as finding joy in the smile of a child or the gentle hug of an elderly neigh- bor. Any day that ends in 2012 without a major trauma or sadness will be a very blessed day indeed. Oh – and I’m just throw- ing this out there – the Mayan Calendar ends in December of 2012 and some believe it is because the world will end then. If I get to write another


New Year’s Wish List Col- umn for 2013, it will have been a great year after all. If not…we may finally find out why the entire Mayan population up and disap- peared from the face of the earth. Frankly, I can wait on that one.


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3 to the New York Island by Lorrie Baird jim-lorrie@earthlink.net


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From the redwood forest...


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