What More Can Be Said About “Mastery”


lives seems to feel better. We dedicate our time and energies to improving ourselves in some specific way. For many adults, this may be the kind of work they do. Too often adults place too much emphasis on being good at work. Generally, these things we push ourselves to excel at are the things that give meaning in our lives. This is mastery. Mastery gives a sense of competency and capability to take on life’s bigger challenges. Ideally we have all found a few precious things that en- rich our lives and leave us feeling competent and capable. We generalize this feeling of mastery to a sense of optimism and stability to other areas of our lives.


W


Erik Erikson’s Take One of the giant’s of developmental


psychology, Erik Erikson, placed a great deal of emphasis on this concept. Upon entering toddlerhood, a child’s developmental chal- lenges revolve around developing mastery. The goal for toddlers in attaining a degree of autonomy as they explore their physical


hen we have a few things we are good at, the things we work hard to be good at, the whole of our


environment sets the stage for their later abilities. Kindergarten age sees initiative and inferiority vying for the dominant spot in a child’s sense of self. Again in the middle- school years, mastery features strongly again as the goal for a strong sense of self-worth comes from refining their skills. Interest- ingly the downside to these early stages is inferiority for school children and shame for toddlers. These are perhaps two of the more destructive and enfeebling thoughts we can carry around about ourselves. When we move into adolescence, these experiences form the bedrock for how we see ourselves.


We, as Parents


Erikson plotted the challenges of each stage of life and we are reminded of the risks in not appropriately resolving each challenge. As parents, we struggle with balancing our children’s need for mastery and our desire to keep them safe. This can take the form of protecting them from the frustration of failure. Overprotective parents obviously mean well; no parent wants to see harm come to their child. Perhaps many of us have been warned to the pitfalls of each developmental stage and do our best to safe guard our children. What is missed is the amount that parents will sometimes do and the child is left without this sense of competency and capability that comes with mastery. Ultimately what matters is that children be allowed to fall short on the small


things as they grow so they have the experi- ence of picking themselves up afterwards. As many parents will tell, ordering a child to be responsible does not always yield the desired result.


A Late-Coming Mastery The idea of mastery is one I have been


striving for a long, long time. It has become the ultimate goal. I have looked for that thing that I can truly claim to be good at. I have found success in my career as a therapist and truly believe myself to be ‘good’ at what I do. But I was looking for something more. Perhaps like many people I have a hard time giving myself credit for my accomplish- ments. I was looking for that thing that I could claim as my own, not out of necessity or financial gain. I began running several years ago as the specter of middle age hung over me. Over time I found I was getting much healthier. To my surprise, I was also getting faster. Still I would not allow myself the satisfaction of mastery. So I ran farther. I found for me, even after running my first marathon and still awash in sweaty exhaus- tion, it wasn’t until my eldest daughter approached me with tears in her eyes that I knew I had done something of real impor- tance. Maybe another way to think about this is to say that at that point, with her tears and my sweat, I felt I had done something big. It may just be that this feeling was more important than what I thought in my head.


40 Natural Nutmeg December 2011


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