PARENTING BY SARAH CHANA RADCLIFFE


A Stabilizing Force Friday night dinners are still the glue that holds Jewish families together


With kids and parents going off in separate directions all week long – homework,work activities, lessons, sports, errands and all the rest – today’s family rarely gets time to sit down together for dinner. But on Friday night it’s different. No matter what level of Jewish observance


is being practiced, most parents still try to bring their families to the table for family time on this one special night of the week. Tis can be the time when everyone pauses from their weekday rush and comes together for a weekly ritual that offers meaning, sub- stance and discussion. Tis can be family time at its best. Alternatively, it can be family time at its


worst.


The Friday Night Table Picture the glowing faces in the Shabbat scene of Fiddler on the Roof. Mother says her prayers for her family as she tearfully lights the Sabbath candles. Father blesses the children. Te entire family gathers peacefully around the table for a festive meal, the atmosphere radiating with sanc- tity, warmth and love. In the modern family, it can still be like


that. However, it will take some conscious effort. It is up to parents to create a Sabbath meal that stands out from the weekday fare — one that will not only feed the children that night, but will actually nourish them for a lifetime. It is not Friday that trans- forms the mundane supper into a special family time; rather, it is the parents who make Friday special by their own efforts. However, there are special challenges that


can interfere with one’s good intentions to make Friday night special. For instance, just preparing the meal can be exhausting, leading to a stressed-out, burned-out parent or two at the table. All the rushing around and pre-Sab- bath tension can spill over once everyone has gathered. Also, there can sometimes be guests who are not so welcomed at the table, posing extra stress again for the parent(s). Also, older kids may be “too busy” with


other things to want to spend time at the ta- ble, while younger ones may be too impatient to sit or unwilling to eat all that delicious food


40 friday night Winter 2011


If you want your children to cherish the Friday night tradition, make sure that your own table is associated with harmony and joy


that someone worked so hard to prepare. Feelings of chaos may be intensified in re- organized families where some kids are home every Friday while others alternate weekends elsewhere. Te shiſting ground de-stabilizes the routines. Despite all of the challenges, however,


it is well worth knowing how to create a lasting Friday night impression. Research shows that rituals are protective for chil- dren, helping to ground and centre them in times of upheaval and stress. Friday night, a uniquely Jewish ritual, can do more than stabilize kids – it can be a venue for teaching them the essence of Judaism and the mean- ing of being a Jew. Ours is a religion that fills the home and the rhythms of our lives. Fri- day night is the ideal opportunity for mak- ing religion come alive for our kids in a way that will make them cleave to it forever.


In order to elevate the Friday experience,


parents can try implementing the following strategies:


Be absolutely committed to the Friday night meal. Tis means, no matter how many people cannot be present for whatever rea- sons, “the show must go on.” For instance, even if only mom and dad are at the table, then these two will still follow their normal Friday night practices and make an elabo- rate repast. Friday night is never allowed to be ordinary.


Use this family time as an opportunity to get to know everyone – what they think and feel about things. Come prepared with books, articles and topics gleaned from other sources to explore ideas, examine questions and articulate beliefs. If you read


Illustration by Laura Pérez


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