PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT


Childhood memory healing


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Taking the time to observe the voice of our hurting inner child and what they have to say is a step towards healing and wholeness. Sometimes our painful stories will work themselves out naturally over time. Other times they need special attention.


By Wayne Nebauer


think just about all of us are aware that our childhood plays an enormous role in shaping our worldview and how we come to believe life works. Look at any young child. Their minds


are like a sponge. Taking in everything around them. Touching. Smelling. Tasting. Feeling. Sensing. Hearing. All this information over the first seven years or so formulates our worldview. Once formed, the child then moves from information gathering in a completely non-judgmental way, to deciding that some things are ‘right’ and others ‘wrong’. This is ‘good’ and that is ‘bad’. Life has a certain way of working… Changing our beliefs as adults usually


involves a lengthy process of experiencing something new that pushes the boundaries of our worldview, and then letting go of what we once held on to. This process may often involve pain until we let go of our old paradigms and embrace new ones. Usually, in this process, our whole being


comes along for the ride as we embrace a new worldview or belief. Occasionally, there is a part inside us that refuses. This ‘fragment’ of ourselves is often represented as a child. The child inside


us stubbornly refuses to embrace a new worldview or to expand to where we want to move to. Like a defiant child, or perhaps more aptly, a wounded child, they refuse to move forward citing some reasons from their upbringing that prevent them from doing so. I was talking to a man one day who told


me that he never finished projects. He would move from one project to the next without completing them. This was frustrating him and he wanted to move forward from this. It turned out that when he was young his


father had asked him to do a project in the backyard. When it was completed, his father laughed at the finished project, labelling it ‘stupid’. Unconsciously, the little boy came up with a clever plan. He decided that if he never finished projects, he could avoid this judgment. This belief was incorporated into his worldview – in how life works. We move on in life. Our worldviews


change with time. We take on new beliefs and expand ourselves, but these fragments that refuse to move on are left behind. They represent our brokenness and dysfunction. Sometimes these fragments will work


themselves out naturally over time. The child within us observes our expanded worldview and becomes convinced that it is


a better way of living and seeing the world. The fragment then naturally integrates back into our being. We are that little bit more whole again. Other times these fragments need special


attention. The child inside us needs to be heard. The story of what happened to them that keeps them stuck needs to be listened to, feelings need to be validated. Then a new perspective needs to be given to them so that they see things differently. The man I was recently speaking to sat


down in his mind’s eye with the little boy that thought he had figured out a clever way to avoid judgment by not finishing projects. He listened to the boy’s story about that day in his backyard. He heard his feelings. He understood how it had impacted him. He acknowledged that indeed he had come up with a clever way of avoiding judgment. However, that way of avoiding judgment was not working well now as it was causing problems for the man. The man then gently explained to the


little boy that it wasn’t his fault that his father laughed and called him ‘stupid’. It was more about his father. He explained that the same thing had happened to his father and that he didn’t know any better. He told the little boy that the world was


missing out on his talents and abilities. He told him that it was time for him to truly shine and show the world what he could do when he finished things. If people laughed or judged, that was more about them and where they were at in life. It was his turn to shine! Imagine being that little boy and hearing


that from his adult self… There was acknowledgment, validation, and a new perspective enabling a broadened worldview to take place. That day the little boy let go of the need


to be clever by avoiding finishing projects. He embraced a new worldview, and new way of seeing how life works. He realised that finishing projects was a way to show the world who he was, and the fear of judgment was diminished by knowing that this was not a reflection on him, but more on those judging. This small fragment, a representation of the man’s brokenness, was integrated back into himself. He became a little more whole. It is amazing how the stories of what


happened to us as children keep us from expanding our being. We move forward, but do so broken and fragmented. Taking the time to observe the voice of our


hurting inner child and what they have to say is a step towards healing and wholeness. Listen to their stories. Feel what they are feeling. Acknowledge their incredible courage. Ask them exactly what it has been like for them. Validate their journey. And when the time is right, that


small child will be ready to hear a new perspective, a different take on the situation. They may be ready to embrace a new way of thinking about the situation. They may stop blaming themselves and realise that it wasn’t their fault. They may just be ready to let go of the old way of thinking about things and embrace a whole new reality. They may just be ready to let you be you without digging their heels in. They may just be ready to come back home.


Wayne Nebauer specialises in intuitive childhood memory healing that brings healing and wholeness. He lives in Healesville, Victoria, with his wife and three daughters.


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