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ASk lAuRie


Advice Column


PhOtOgRAPhy By: Robert Hayman


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Dear Laurie,


relationship is great except for one major issue: he wants to start a family, the sooner the better, and I’m just not ready. This has turned into a major source of stress for me, especially when we visit my in-laws who always ask when the “little one” will be arriv- ing. I want to have children eventually, but my career is really starting to take off and I know I’ll inevitably have to leave my job to care for our child. Neither of us wants our child to be raised by strangers in a day care, but I’m not ready to sacrifice my profes- sional life just because he makes slightly more money at his job. Where is the happy medium?! - Anonymous


Dear Anonymous, You didn’t state your age, so without knowing what stage of life


you’re in, my answer will be more general. If you haven’t done so already, I first suggest a visit to your gynecologist. Have a complete exam and discuss a plan with your doctor based on your body, age and what’s recommended as a healthy start time. Now you have a starting point that is feasible physically. Discuss this time-frame with your husband and see if he’s in agreement. Of course, you have other options such as adoption. What I’m hearing most is concern about a baby jeopardizing your


career. Having children doesn’t need to mean the end of your profes- sional life.


I’ve known women who were able to work from home or


change their position to part-time and have the best of both worlds. With research and referrals, you could find the perfect situation for part-time child care. Keep your mind positive and open to possibili- ties that are for your highest good and the highest good of your family. As far as pressure from family and friends, it’s your responsibility


to have boundaries and to state them. Many people fall victim to soci- ety’s picture of what should be expected from a couple. First the focus is on the engagement, then marriage, then your first child, and then the pressure of having a second child. These decisions are between you and your husband. What the two of you decide is not anyone else’s business. However, it is your job to tell your loved ones that you are very happy living in the moment, and when you decide to expand your family, they will be the first to know. Don’t take on other people’s wishes or pressures for you. They don’t know your life path better than you. The right way for you is what’s inside your heart. Do your own quiet


contemplation. See if you have any fears to release or truth to discern about the concept of expanding your family, and discuss these with your husband. Stay true to your heart and happiness will follow!


Laurie Martin is a professional speaker, certified life coach, author, advice columnist and radio host. She is the author of the published book, Smile Across Your Heart: The Process of Building Self-Love. Laurie spent fifteen years in cor- porate America, and resigned as the Vice President of Worldwide Events to fol- low her heart. Learn more at www.SmileAcrossYourHeart.com and contact Laurie directly at LaurieM@SmileAcrossYourHeart.com.


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