A Juicy, Joyful Life


2


came back to myself, still wiping my eyes with my tear-soaked tee shirt, I was completely spent. It was as if a huge reservoir of pain had been drained out of my heart, leaving an empty, gaping hole in its place. What happened next still blows my mind. Everything became very still. The breeze stopped. I could no longer hear the sound of lawn mowers in the distance, or the rustle of leaves overhead. I could feel my heart beating, and the way my breath hitched in my chest, but I was somehow beyond those things, as well. I basked in a deep, encompassing peace, a perfect stillness like I’d never experienced before. And then, I heard it: the stern but also gentle and loving whisper which would transform my life, heal my heart, and allow me to begin to dance with my authentic self for the first time. The voice said, “The experiences of your childhood do not erase the core of who you are. You have been here all along, but you have chosen not to see yourself. Instead, you’ve focused on the pain. You hold the power to become, at any time, whatever you desire to be. You can choose to live in the past, with all your pain and anger, or you can choose to be the bright, beautiful person at the core of who you are right now. So, what will you choose?” Epiphany! Suddenly, my heart was filled with pure hope— a feeling I hadn’t experienced in a long, long time. The wisdom I heard that day seemed so simple, so straightforward, but my heart resonated with the truth of it. I think the voice only reminded me of what I’d known, deep down, all along. I had a choice about my life, my feelings, my heartache. So what did I want for myself? Who would I choose to be, if I was no longer a victimized child, a woman in pain? A surge of energy coursed through me. I started ransacking my


car, searching through the toys and napkins and bits of old French fries trapped in the seat crevices. Thoughts were coming fast and furious. Paper. I needed paper! In the end, all I had was a pen and a coffee-stained Dunkin’ Donuts napkin, but they were enough. I started scribbling furiously.


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