You CANNOT be serious! The not so serious side of the industry
The Groundsman’s wife Hall Q - red light district?
Enjoy reading this actual extract from a Home Economics textbook from the 1960’s. Proof that very little has changed in the interim period!
• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return from work. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned abut his needs.
• Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking.
• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up
schoolbooks, toys, papers etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables. During the colder months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind.
• At the time of his arrival eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first; remember his topics of
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conversation are more important than yours.
• Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange the pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.
• Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night.
• At the end of the evening tidy the home ready for the morning and again think ahead to his breakfast needs. Your husband’s breakfast is vital if he is to face the outside world in a positive fashion. Set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning. This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes.
YOU might well ask ‘what’s going on here?’
No wonder Terrain Aeration’s Linda Green has a smile on her face. It’s not often that the Incredible Hulk gets caught in a compromising situation! Truth of the matter is, apparently, that he had ‘gone down’ overnight and needed blowing up again.
Mound of grass from Twickenham - Rare
THIS collection of what appears to be pubic hair in a frame is apparently genuine grass from Twickers. It’s currently on sale on Ebay with a start price of £9.99 but, if you are really keen, then the ‘buy now’ price is a staggering £54.99. As we went to press there were no bidders! Can’t imagine why with
a descriptive sales pitch which stated ....
• No one is allowed to even step on this grass on the rugby pitch but I have a handful - even some of the white paint from the lines on some strands.
• 100% genuine - the winner will receive a video of me when I picked it to prove it.
•Will be presented in a 9x7cm frame
• Still even smells of the chemicals used on the pitch.
• As I said this is almost impossible to get so good luck bidding rugby fans.
If he thinks this is impossible to get he should try doing the same at Stamford Bridge. Boom boom!
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