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The forgotten language of


“ O


forgiveness


This gift should be part of our vocabulary By Scott Seeke


h, my gosh!” my wife said at dinner. “I forgot to text your mom to say happy birthday!”


I put my fork down and dropped my head into my hands. I hadn’t even done that much. Her birthday had been two days before, and I had completely forgotten. I felt terrible. Tere was only one thing to


do: call her and wish her a happy belated birthday. As I apologized over and over, my mother graciously accepted. “Don’t worry about it,” she kept saying. “It’s OK.” It was better than I deserved. Days passed, and I kept apolo-


gizing. And she kept saying those same words: “Don’t worry about it. It’s OK.” But the guilt lingered. We were both doing the right thing. Shouldn’t I have felt better? Not long aſter, I screwed up


again. It was a minor mistake. I apologized for forgetting to buy something my daughter needed for school. “It’s OK, Dad,” she said. “Don’t worry about it.” Tere were those words again,


but this time I immediately knew they were wrong. “It’s not OK,


40 www.thelutheran.org


honey,” I told her. “Next time I’m going to do better.” “Tanks, Dad,” was all she said,


but she looked relieved. Being hon- est about (instead of dismissing) my mistake made it easier for both of us to bear. Yet something was still missing. Several weeks later, I finally figured out what. Te realization hit me as I was


preparing to lead worship. I looked at the bulletin to see anew the words I had seen thousands of times: “Confession and Forgiveness.” It all made sense. I had confessed but had not


received forgiveness. My mom undoubtedly forgave me in her heart, but she had not said, “I for- give you.” Seeing those words in the bulle-


tin was like looking at a tall glass of water that I couldn’t drink. I needed to hear the words. I put the bulletin down and


thought about the times I had used the same words as my mom. How oſten had I told people who came to me seeking forgiveness that it was OK? Tat what they’d done wrong didn’t matter? Tat their guilt and


Forgiveness isn’t


just a gift we receive from God. It’s a gift


God gives us to share with one another.


shame didn’t matter? A lot, I figured. In fact, I couldn’t remember


the last time I had heard or said “I forgive you.” I’m 41 but couldn’t remember a time when those words were commonly used either. Was I just missing it? Had there been a time when people said “I forgive you” to one another? Was it hap- pening all around me? Was I just out of touch? Aſter worship I started paying


closer attention to the actual words that came out of people’s mouths when someone apologized to them. I listened for those words in con- versations both inside and outside of church. I searched for them on television and in books and online articles. I couldn’t find the words “I forgive you” anywhere. But I did find a lot of people, in


life and media, telling one another, “It’s OK” and “Don’t worry about it.”


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