A history of inclusion
By Katie Scarvey W
hen Max Lenox was born in 1992, it’s prob-
ably fair to assume that expectations were low for him. His mother, an alcoholic for more than a decade, had been addicted to crack. Max tested positive for cocaine at birth. Still, Sandy Deutsch,
the social worker who did the home study for Max’s adoption through Lutheran Family Ser- vices (now Lutheran Ser- vices Carolinas) hoped for the best. She felt confident that the man adopting Max would give him a stable, loving home, although she also assumed Max would face lifelong challenges. Fatherhood was something Dave Lenox had long
UNITED STATES MILITARY ACADEMY
Erin Lenox (left), Nathan Merrells, Dave Lenox and Max Lenox pose for a family portrait with their dog.
Lutheran agency sees the fruits of its adoption work
aspired to. His father died when he was a boy, leaving him to shoulder a lot of responsibility at an early age. He helped keep family life as normal as possible, making sure dinner got on the table every night. Aſter his marriage to his high-school sweetheart
broke up when he was 26, he thought about entering the priesthood but realized that wasn’t his destiny. “I had always kind of felt that I was supposed to be a parent,” he said. But he knew pursuing that path might be com- plicated by one fact: he was gay. Lenox found a committed partner in Nathan Mer-
rells. Aſter about five years together, both men were ready to start a family. “Why can’t we be like everyone else?” Lenox wondered. Around that time Lenox and Merrells met a lesbian
couple who had adopted a son through the Lutheran agency. Tey urged Lenox to apply as a single parent,
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www.thelutheran.org
assuring him that being gay need not rule him out. Lenox filled out the application—and then waited,
growing increasingly frustrated. He finally called Joyce Gourley, then director of adoptions, and told her he sensed she believed he might be gay. “I am,” Lenox told her, “but the reality is that we’re going to have a child in our lives, and the question is whether you’re going to be part of the process. If not, then let’s just move on.” Gourley had been waiting for Lenox to lay it all out
on the table, and when he did, the process began in earnest. Deutsch began the home study required for adoptions and got to know the couple. As an unmarried couple, the two couldn’t legally
adopt a child (and still can’t under North Carolina law). But Lenox could apply as a single parent, which he did. Te Lutheran agency understood that while he wouldn’t technically be an adoptive parent, Merrells, too, would serve in a parental role. Te important thing was that Max find a stable, nurturing home. Deutsch gives credit to Bill Brittain, then head of
the Lutheran organization, for his compassionate, forward-thinking leadership. Other agencies wouldn’t have accepted Lenox as an adoptive parent, she said,
To learn more about Lutheran Services Carolinas and its adoption program, visit
www.lscarolinas.net
COURTESY OF DAVE LENOX
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