Reflection Betrayal
No one is here to help me out of this darkness
By Elizabeth Jane Otte
M
y soul is crushed. No one is here to help me out of this darkness. I’m alone in this pit of pain because the world I knew and loved is gone.
“I have passed out of mind like one who is dead” (Psalm 31:12). I grieve the loss of my “friend,” the trust we had, the shared times, the memories. “Even my bosom friend in whom I trusted, who ate of my bread, has lifted the heel against me” (Psalm 41:9). Everything is tainted by the betrayal. Can anyone have a good intent? How can I trust any-
one? If a friend would see me as evil, am I evil? Is what they say about me true? Who knows the truth about me that I can trust? What is real in my soul? “They set their mouths against heaven, and their tongues range over the earth” (Psalm 73: 9). “They” take on evil personified. I question any goodness. The Psalms become my prayers. Did Jesus pray these
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Jesus knew. He felt.
He grieved.
prayers when he was betrayed? He knew them all. And he knew what Judas would do
on that Passover night. “But see, the one who betrays me is with me, and his
hand is on the table” (Luke 22:21). Jesus knew. He felt. He grieved. But even before this announcement Jesus knelt in grief and love to wash the disciples’ feet. He washed Judas’ feet, loving him, while the disciple planned, betrayed and crushed Jesus’ soul. Jesus, how could
you love him through it all? Your love, a won- drous love, is beyond my comprehension.
Author bio: Otte writes, mentors and directs the choir at Our Redeemer Lutheran Church, Marion, Ill.
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