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Page 6 • Hampton Magazine • Information Please 2014


Southern VoicesSouthern Stories Welcome to Hampton Co. Y’all!


HEY Y’ALL, LET ME TELL YA... If you are reading this nifty magazine


we publish every year, then chances are you’re new to the area and have found your- self in the beautiful South Carolina Low- country. If so, welcome to Hampton County, y’all! You won’t fi nd a greener, friendlier, more charming place to hang your hat or plop your fl ip fl ops! Inside our Information Please guide


is information that visitors and longtime residents alike can refer to throughout the year: how to reach local elected offi cials, who to call to invest in our economy, where to go when you need health care or have an emergency, where you can go to wor- ship, and even where to enroll your child in school if you are planning on more than just a brief visit (please do, we’d love to have you!).


You can also learn more about our


local festivals, traditions, and history, as well as fi nd out where to go for recreation, sight seeing, arts opportunities, hunting or fi sh- ing, or just plain exercise. But there are a few things you might


not fi nd on these glossy pages, so being a good neighbor I thought I’d go the extra mile to help you newcomers out. Give you the unspoken “rules of the road” to visiting our fi ne county.


A Visitors’ Guide to Hampton County


- The world’s population is now reach-


ing an estimated seven billion, but only about 21,000 of those people live in Hamp- ton County, so we’d like to think that makes us pretty darn special. Now, contrary to popular belief, rural


Southerners are not all related to each other. But we do know each other, so if you’re looking for Bubba Smith just ask one of us locals, and we’ll help you fi nd him. But please be sure to specify which one. - When traveling in Hampton County


during certain times of the year, be pre- pared for traffi c jams. In June, for example, you might get held up behind a parade of


trucks harvesting fresh, juicy local water- melons. And in November you might get caught behind a convoy of cotton pickers hauling bales of cotton to the gin (no, those aren’t giant marshmallows growing in the fi elds). If so, just be patient and enjoy the view.


- When visiting our fair countryside,


please be sure to come equipped with GPS or some other useful mapping system. While local people are very friendly and hospitable; never, ever stop and ask a local for directions. You’ll need a degree in local dialects, history, horticulture, and agricul- ture to decipher their directions: “Well, you go about a hop and skip


down this road until you get to the end of that corn fi eld – or did they plant soybeans this year? Anyhow, at the end of that fi eld you take a right and go all the way past that stand of three-year-old planted pines – the longleafs, not the loblollies - until you get to the intersection by the old DeLoach house. You know, the man that used to run the grits mill years ago? Man, his wife used to make the best pound cakes, you should try them! Anyhow, once you pass that stand of crape myrtles and that big white oak tree, not that old sweet gum tree, you’ll be there in two shakes of a nanny goat’s tail. But if you pass Frog Hollow you’ve gone too far.” - If you’re trying to call “Information,”


please be very careful and be sure to dial the correct numbers. Because if you dial the wrong number and reach one of our older residents by mistake, like Aunt Edna or Miss Dorothy, they don’t mind talking to a wrong number for hours and you won’t get off the phone till supper time. If you’re a complete stranger when you pick up the phone, you’ll be well acquainted by the time you hang up.


- If you spot someone wearing a New


York Yankees ballcap, they are probably just a Dixie Youth baseball coach, not a Yankee fan. And please don’t come up to them and ask them about the Yanks, or you will likely start a whole Civil War reenactment/debate


you probably don’t want to get into: “You know, we would have won that


war if ya’ll hadn’t of blockaded our supply lines and cut off our fl ow of food and am- munition!”


And whatever you do, please don’t


mention General Sherman in mixed com- pany.


- If you spot a bunch of folks fi shing


at one of our many lakes, rivers or streams, don’t stop and ask them how the fi sh are biting unless you’ve got plenty of time to hear a few tall fi sh tales. - If you’re looking for the best place to


eat in town, be sure to specify that you’re looking for a restaurant. Otherwise you’ll end up at somebody’s Granny’s house. Now don’t get me wrong, the food will be de- lightful, but you’ll probably have to do some chores in the vegetable garden after dinner. - If you happen to notice hordes of


armed men, dressed in camoufl age and or- ange suits and leading packs of dogs, don’t worry. There’s probably no escaped fugi- tive on the loose. Between August 15 and January 1, it’s just deer season in Hampton County. Be sure to get your license and a good dog and come join us. -Finally, in case you should be greeted


by a local, be prepared to provide the necessary documentation required in any small Southern town. No, we don’t need to see your driver’s license or even your green card. Just be able to answer the following questions: - Who’s your momma and daddy? - Do I know your family? - Y’all any kin to them Johnsons over


in Frog Hollow? - Where do y’all go to church? - Did you go to Clemson, or Carolina? - You hungry, child? Well, that should be just about every-


thing a newcomer should need to know to enjoy their time here. We hope you enjoy your stay in wonderful Hampton County, and next time bring a friend. Y’all come back now, hear!


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