said, in regard to gay marriage at Trinity. “It’s an emotional response. Could I point to a Bible verse to tell you why? No. But I just believe that marriage is between a man and a woman.”
Grosse said she knows that times are changing and that it’s likely Trin- ity may end up allowing same-sex marriages. “Would I flip out if it happened? No,” she said, her hands folded delicately on a handbag in her lap. “I just don’t think it should be.” Eric Rodriguez is a member and psychologist who wrote his disserta- tion on the identity conflicts experi- enced by gay Christians. He’s been paying close attention as the discus- sion unfolds at Trinity. “[Milholland] could absolutely be
like Moses coming down from the mountain and saying, ‘This is how it’s going to be,’ ” Rodriguez said. “Instead, he’s taking the cautious route.”
Rodriguez said he appreciates
that Milholland doesn’t want to push people away. But he also said that no matter which way the decision goes, one group may turn away from the church: whether it’s the conserva- tives who would feel their church had been taken from them or the gay members who would feel the church didn’t support them.
Opinions changing A recent study by the National Opinion Research Center at the Uni- versity of Chicago indicates that, on a national scale, societal resistance toward homosexuality is wearing down over time. In 2010, 45.9 per- cent of respondents either agreed or strongly agreed that homosexual couples should have the right to marry, while in 1988 only 10.7 per- cent agreed. The ELCA 2009 Churchwide Assembly’s decisions put the denomination in line with the trend
toward acceptance, but such changes don’t happen overnight.
Lisa Canellas, 41, is a new mem-
ber of Trinity. She said she used to believe that marriage could only be between a man and a woman, but lots of prayer and conversation with her two teenagers changed her mind over time.
Canellas said she eventually came
to believe that love is between two souls, not two human bodies. So the genders of the people in love are less important than the strength of their love and commitment. “As long as two human beings are promising to love and respect each other, then it’s OK,” she said.
Rimbo said, “People are really grappling with it on an emotional level. People in our congregations are wondering how, for hundreds of years, the church could say no, and then all of a sudden say yes.” As an openly gay pastor, Milhol- land is in a position to advocate for equality and acceptance, but he doesn’t want to push this poten- tially polarizing issue through. He stressed that one of his main reasons for letting the process take as long as is needed to reach a consensus is because he’s more interested in teaching than convincing. “I’d rather go slowly and teach
them how to look at potentially contentious issues and come to a decision as a congregation,” he said. “I want to show them what the Bible really says about homosexuality.” To help the process, he uses and recommends Sexual Fulfillment: For Single and Married, Straight and Gay, Young and Old (Augs- burg Fortress, 2001) by Herbert W. Chilstrom and Lowell O. Erdahl, in which the former bishops argue that the most common anti-gay biblical story of Sodom and Gomorrah is about sexual immorality in general, not just homosexual immorality, and
that it’s equally about inhospitality. Chilstrom and Erdahl wrote: “We
believe that this story is not relevant to our current discussion regarding long-term relationships of commit- ment, love, and trust between con- senting partners of the same gender.” Milholland said he expects real progress toward a decision in 2013. A gay member of the congregation recently got engaged, which has moved the conversation from hypo- thetical to real and given it some urgency.
“This is one of our own,” he said.
“We’re really going to have to deal with this now.”
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