Feature: Patrick Forsyth PAGE 14 | Business Executive | Issue 123


Be B


what you write


Patrick Forsyth takes a light-hearted look at the hazards of saying the wrong thing


usiness writing needs to be good, powerful even: it certainly needs a degree of precision. So, consider: a well-known UK maker of snack food. They make a posh potato crisp which I happen to like. They expect us to be impressed by the fact that they use “real ingredients”.


I know we live in a world of simulated reality, but I don’t think you can make crisps with anything other than real ingredients. There are not many imaginary potatoes and even if there were, it would be a problem getting them onto the production line. This brand also says rather confusingly that it contains “No artificial flavour enhancers”, but then lists “Flavourings” along with a list of other things that must, presumably, add to the taste. So I wrote to them about this. First someone telephoned me


and wanted to know why I wanted to know. On hearing that I was writing about them, they promised me a reply in writing, which they duly sent. (Well, I say they did: they actually passed it to their public relations consultants and paid them to write to me.) What did they say? I quote: “In response to your query, we use the term ‘made with real


ingredients’ to illustrate that this brand does not include any artificial flavours, colours or additives in their ingredients. All the flavourings used in these crisps are not artificial flavour enhancers, but are types of natural flavouring, made from natural sources – such as vanilla extract, lime oil or garlic powder. We trust this answers your


PATRICK FORSYTH has a long list of books on management and other topics to his credit. He consults internationally in his specialised field of marketing.


query, and thank you for taking the time to contact us.” So there you are. What does this make you think? I acknowledge that they can write what they like; it seems to me however, that having to explain what appears on their packages needs some subtitles. This is not really very good communication. From their point of view it is actually selling themselves short – I think many people may take “real” to mean, well, real,


and then wonder just as I did. It’s not so much that the statement is dishonest, the ingredients must indeed be real – we obviously know that – rather it’s that the text is simply unclear. Such writing is rather wobbly. So many people in business,


consciously or not, seem to take us for idiots. Much nonsense comes from large and small organisations in every part of the world. For some of us working internationally in English this makes problems. There really is no excuse. Here, amongst many others are some examples of stating the obvious in a way that causes confusion and uncertainty:


n The web site of the charity Optimum Population Trust states helpfully that “Sex is the main cause of population growth”. It does not mention any other causes!


n Black & Decker masonry drills are evidently designed to “drill on contact”.


n Five Spice Powder lists only one ingredient and that’s “Five Spice Powder”, which is both obvious yet leaves us wondering what on earth it is made of.


n Limbitin is a natural remedy of some sort recommended for treating restless leg syndrome. Some medicines are hard to take but this is described as easy to take and says it should be “consumed orally through the mouth”; presumably any other form of oral consumption is frowned on and may even do damage – perhaps it would make your leg twitch.


n The warnings on a prescription sleeping pill, says “May cause drowsiness”. Well, so it should! It should surely go way beyond drowsiness if, as another product says (in a slogan that seems to have gone into the language) “it does what it says on the tin”.


n The reflecting safety bands produced by a sport firm for runners training after dark, helpfully point out that “The retro-reflective material and LED light must be on the outside”.


n An electric screwdriver comes taped firmly inside a box. Open the box and the tape holding it in place has printed on it: “Remove after opening the box”.


n A shelving unit needs assembling after purchase and tells you helpfully “Note: people are required to safely assemble this product”; the robot age is still a little way off then.


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