and her family down in some way. “Guilt that you’re not spending enough time with your children and that you’re not devoting as much time in the office as your male counterparts, but for me, staying at home all the time wouldn’t have satisfied me intellectually,” she says. ‘Guilt over affluence’ and ‘guilt over
achievement’ are also common in South Africa, especially since Black Economic Empowerment and Employment Equity policies have enabled many previously disadvantaged women to climb the ladder of success. Company Director, Simphiwe*, recalled how she would downplay her wealth, often giving less money to the church than what she could really afford, afraid that others who saw would judge her for being more affluent or successful than them. Previously disadvantaged women also
experience ‘survivor guilt’, which is guilt for having ‘made it out’ of poverty to be living and enjoying more than what they perceive as their fair share of the pie. Palesa* spoke about how she felt obligated and pressured to help out everyone from her community. “Being raised by the whole village [a black African notion] and not just one’s biological parents and the contributions of the community [however big or small] usually brings with it some expectations to help the village when one starts earning the big bucks,” she says.
Shame and its manifestations Shame is not an easy emotion to admit to because it is something people would rather not talk about. They are often ‘ashamed of their shame.’ Feelings of inferiority – a result of shame – often cause women to feel small when compared to others. Although none of the women interviewed for this research consciously believed that they
were inferior to men, they could easily outline the disparities that existed between them – where they needed to ‘earn their stripes’ more than the men did. Not only must women earn their stripes at work, they must also juggle all the roles of being a mother and wife at home. Women who are able to successfully handle all the roles in which they are cast, often find themselves in a Catch-22 situation. In order to maintain their success, they have to be able to switch between the personalities of domesticated wives and high powered executives. Says Palesa*: “When women are at work, they are expected to assume a certain role and when they go home, they are expected to change the way they behave. For the whole day, you are used to instructing and leading, and at home you have to assume the role of a subservient person.” Another challenge facing
executive women is networking opportunities, which are often male-oriented social outings, geared at advancing in the corporate arena. In South Africa, these social outings include fishing, 4X4/SUV expeditions, watching rugby, hunting and even visiting strip clubs. Business Development executive, Julie*, admitted that as an executive one has to be very thick-skinned. “I think it requires you to take on a personality trait that you do not like, and it goes against your authenticity. It often requires one to ask deeper questions like: ‘Am I being authentic, and if I am not, can I sustain it?’” Authenticity also comes
into question when looking at ‘association shame’, which refers to ‘letting down one’s reference group’. Senior Financial Manager, Lisa* explained that the reason for keeping other women out of her corporate ring was to ensure that they did not reveal the “naked truth about me or ‘us’”, where one could be embarrassed or bring disrepute to the entire group.
August 2011 | Management Today 71
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