Page 10 - July 21, 2011
‘Chuckles’ Cont. from Page 5
"Si, Senor, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"
"From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod."
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?" "The thoroughbred, Senor Rod." "My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
"Yes, Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart." "Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talk- ing about, man?"
"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"
"Yes, Senor Rod."
"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?" "For the funeral, Senor Rod."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNER- AL?!"
"Your wife's, Senor Rod". She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I shot her with your new Kreighoff Limited Edition Custom Gold Engraved Trap Special with the custom Wenig Exibition Grade Stock.
SILENCE........... LONG SILENCE.........VE
RY LONG SILENCE.
"Ernesto, if you scratched that shot- gun, you're in deep trouble." •••••
Calvin and Hobbes •••••
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the uni- verse is that it has never tried to contact us.
One Saturday afternoon, in Washington , D.C., an aide to then-House Speaker Nancy
'In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with every- one else, for it is an outrage to discrim- inate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin.
But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American and nothing but an American ... There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag ... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language ... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loy- alty to the American people.' 1902
President Theodore Roosevelt
Pelosi visited the Bishop at the Catholic cathedral in D.C. He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day's Mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.
The Cardinal replied, "No. I don't really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi's views."
Pelosi's aide then said, "Look, I'll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you'll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint."
The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."As Pelosi's aide promised, House Speaker Pelosi appeared for the Sunday worship and seated her- self prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle.
As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Speaker Pelosi was present. The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, "While Speaker Pelosi's presence is probably an honor to some, the woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her most egregious views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other issues.
Cont. on Page 11 ‘Chuckles’
Tex is a 3-year-old, male, Poodle-Pekingese mix. He is a super sweet, fun and outgoing guy who loves everyone he meets. He likes to go for long walks, be the center of atten- tion and just be by his owner’s side. He does not like to be alone and would love an active home with another dog and some active humans to treat him like a little prince. He would do great with another doggie companion. Tex is super smart and is already learning new tricks! His adoption fee is $125 which includes his neuter, vaccinations and a vet exam.
Tex is available for adoption at Rancho Coastal Humane Society which is located at 389 Requeza Street, Encinitas, CA 92024 - Hours: Everyday - 11am - 5pm (except Tuesdays: 11:30am - 5pm)Phone: (760)753-6413.
Obituaries Death Notices
Barbara M. Campbell, age 77, of Escondido, passed away on July 10, 2011. A Memorial Service will be held at noon on Augus3, 2011 at Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery, Point Loma, CA. Arrangements by: California Funeral Alternatives
William M. Townsend, age 67, of Valley Center, CA., passed away on July 12, 2011. Arrangements by: California Funeral Alternatives
To Place An Obituary
By email: firstname.lastname@example.org
By phone: 760.747.7119
We will need your name, address and phone number where you can be reached for verification and payment. DEADLINE: By noon Monday, the week of publication. For More Information, Call: 760.747.7119
Pets of the Week
Irish is a 2-year-old spayed female, ID 55661; Owen is a 1- year-old neutered male dwarf mix, ID 55660. Irish and Owen both have wonderful personali- ties. They are easy-going and very well behaved and enjoy grooming each other. They enjoy their run time and would prefer an x-pen housing setup so they have room to stretch out. This pair is very bonded, so they must be adopted together. Irish and Owen are available for adoption from the Escondido Humane Society and are fea- tured bunnies at the Carmel Mountain Petco, 11160 Rancho Carmel Drive. Their $45 adop- tion fee includes microchip, spay/neuter and vet exam. For more information, call (760) 888-2242 or log on to www.es
Neil is a special guy who not just good looking, he is sensitive and sweet! Neil is a handsome 6-year old altered male who is looking for a loving home with older chil- dren. Look into Neil’s amazing green eyes and give him a chance to fill your home with love.
adoption fee is $75. (plus a $40 microchip fee)
All pets adopted
from Helen Woodward Animal Center have been spayed or neutered, have up-to-date vaccina- tions and microchip identification, plus a certificate for a free night stay at our Club Pet Boarding!
Helen Woodward Animal Center; 6461 El Apajo Road in Rancho Santa Fe.
Kennels are open everyday: Mon- Fri 12 Noon - 6pm; Sat-Sun 11:00 am – 6:00 pm. (Applications accepted till 5:45pm)
For more information call 858- 756-4117, option #1 or log on to www.animalcenter.org
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