Big Air Shootout (FALL 2003)
Never before was it relevant to introduce our “pro boater shootout” concept. With the 2003 hottest kayaks came an elite bundle of aerial tricks that only the pros had mastered, but would soon be in the quiver of weekend paddlers. Average Joe tests work well, but to properly test these specifically designed
high-fliers we needed paddlers who could donkey flip, loop, Helix and throw huge aerial blunts on command, not just by shit luck. We asked each company to send us a boat and a team paddler. Eric Jackson (paddling for Wave Sport), Corran Addison (for Riot), Brendan Mark (Dagger), Billy Harris (Necky), Patrick Camblin (Liquidlogic), Joey Hitchins (Bliss-stick) and Eric Gautier (Pyranha) all raved about their own boat (we threw away those results) while the rest of the feedback was refreshingly honest and fair. Scores varied wildly. Pros unanimously agreed upon how different these boats really were. Would they say that about freestyle boats today?
Best Freestyle Boats (SUMMER 2005)
Like music, by 2005 freestyle design had been through its Medieval, Disco, EZ (listening) and Pop eras and we paddlers had spun the best and hucked the one-hit wonders. We compared designers of the day to Weird Al Yankovic—the long-haired, accordion-playing, rip-off artist who brought us
the Jackson and Madonna parodies “Eat It” and “Like a Surgeon”. A good freestyle boat designer starts with chart-topping hits (maybe not their own), rewritten with a new pop-culture slant and their own artistic freaky style, like Weird Al. In 2005, the best freestyle boats allow you to soar through the air and still dance on the water, something Yankovic says is like eating candy, “Sometimes you feel like a nut; sometimes you don’t!”
Creek Boats-Big is Beautiful (SPRING 2006)
In the introduction we compared the current line up of creek boats to the work of Flemish Renaissance painter Peter Paul Rubens. His portrait models and the seven boat models boasted wide hips, plump cheeks, full lips and a generally healthier profile of round curves and significant
size. Boats also received significant safety improvements since our 2001 test, including rigid step-out pillars and multiple rescue points. While the Liquidlogic Jefe received top scores, overall our testers found the physical attributes of generous volume and soft curves as beautiful on a surging, rock-filled steep creek in flood as they are on Rubens’ cracking canvasses.
classic lines
> 2001 “One friend told me that one of her boyfriends discouraged her from paddling because he said her breasts would shrink
as her chest muscles got stronger.” —Anna Levesque, “Who’s Afraid of Small Boobs Anyway,” Spring
“If you are hitchhiking and no one picks you up, in the context of the social matrix, you cease to exist.”
—Andy Zimet, “Hitchhiking Hell,” Spring
“Reef the skirt, nail the ratchets, push on the boat, wiggle your hips, hold your paddle and kick the boat away from you— all while getting worked in a hole after you’ve emptied your lungs, exhausted your roll, dislocated your shoulder and waved to the crowd to say that you’re okay.”
—Scott MacGregor, “Get Outfitting,” Early Summer
“There’s nothing like peeing in the presence of others to quickly discourage your ability to go.”
—Beth Kennedy and Cline Owen, “Pee Standing Up,” Early Summer
> 2002 “I realized a crocodile had the back of his boat and was trying to roll the boat…like they do when they try to tear a piece of meat off.”
—Jerome Truran, Paddler Profile, Fall
“You can’t fight the water; you must learn to use it. Women learn this quicker because they have to!”
—Claudia Kerckhoff-VanWijk, Paddler Profile, Early Summer
“The sport of freestyle kayaking is being directed by what TV and other forms of
media want to see.” —Ken Whiting, Paddler Profile, Spring
“As far as I can tell, it’s downright difficult
paddling with someone you love.” —Julie Dobson, “Chickfest,” Early Summer
“Nude canoeists typically limit their
exposure to wilderness rivers.” —Rapid Staff, River Shorties, Fall
> 2003 “In the first two minutes they like you as a person, and in the first rapid they respect
you as a guide.” —Stacey Pepplar, “Pushing Rubber,” Spring
“The better you are, the less important a
boat design becomes.” —Corran Addison, “Big Air Shootout,” Fall
www.rapidmag.com
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