At the chalkface The Stare


I’m watchIng Oil City Confidential, the recent film about Dr Feelgood. Dynamite rock‘n’roll – and pedagogically relevant, especially for these opening weeks. Your behaviour management czar should acquire it. You want a bit of Zero tolerance?well, check out guitaristwilko Johnson as he careens about like a berserk automaton, dispensing terror. Or dark laughter. It’s the eyes that have it – blank and bugged, with an amphetamine stare suggestive of a rather florid psychosis. the mob are transfixed. Is it all an act? Or has he just left a correctional facility? that Stare? where did it come from? “a trick I learned


while I was teaching!” says he. “It instils fear.” not half.a fabulous


teaching tactic. I saw Dr Feelgood in 1976.


Best gig ever. Pure charisma. I wanted some. I went into school the next day to give it a go. I’d put the frighteners on my prime thugs.any bollox and they’d get the fullwilco. I’d do the Stare. I did. It failed. they convulsed with mirth. You’ve got to have the right visage.mine, four-eyed, myopic and cavalier thatched, just didn’t cut it. I looked like a boiling owl. It was low on menace, high on daft. I dropped it fast. You’ve got it or you haven’t. Sammorgan, my old geography teacher had it – a bit of the old grand guignol.


“See that blood on the wall,


boy!” said his Brylcreemed skull complete with the Stare. “a former pupil!” Really? testicle- shrinking stuff. Pantomime terror. we loved it and quaked like aspen leaves. It worked.mind you, I did get seven per cent for O level. I still can’t do the Stare.


Probably a good thing. I fall back on ruthless empathy and mild cajoling.maybe I should give it another go – maybe my bald owl visage will cut it. Plant a little terror in their tiny minds


and the year will roll merrily along – let’s start


with the little ones, my new 7th year.watch me


tots!watch this blank-eyed visage. It will not smile until christmas. I dismiss them alphabetically. they exit in pin-dropping silence. then two boys try to scuttle out.apprentice hooligans. I’ll have them. I crank up the


Stare – the Fullwilco. they freeze in my gaze and return to their desks.a result.will it work tomorrow? two 10th years trundle in. crumlin andmoose – hardened lifers. “Better do what he says!” says


moose. “Or else you might die, breh!”


says crumb. they too do the Stare. they wink at me – and exit with the ball in the tescos’ bag. “You tell ‘em sir!”


• Ian Whitwham is a former teacher. A book of his best ever columns is out now. For details, email editor@sec-ed.co.uk


News


My goldfish ate my homework


by Emma-Lee Potter


today’s students are highly creative when it comes to explaining why they have not handed in their homework. while old favourites like “the


dog ate it” are still popular, new research shows that 21st century youngsters are more likely to blame technological problems for failing to submit their work on time. a survey of 500 teachers and


1,000 pupils found that the most common excuses these days include “I emailed it to you, but I got a bounce-back email” and “I finished my homework but deleted it by acci- dent”. Other students claimed prob-


lems like “the letters on my key- board have stuck and it kept writing ‘eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’” and “I put it in the fridge so that I would remember it when I got the milk out for my cereal, but I had toast that morning” prevented them from doing their work. the research, conducted by


online back-up servicemozy, found that the average British teacher hears at least 20 different home- work excuses every week.


three-


quarters said they now get “more obscure and tech-laden” excuses while eight out of 10 reckon pupils try to blame modern technology because they think that they know more about it than their teachers. claire galbois-alcaix, a senior


marketing manager at mozy. said: “many UK school children are using technological errors, such as compu- ter crashes or accidentally deleting work, as the perfect modern-day excuse to get out of homework. “It’s not always a fabrication, as


I’m sure all of us have experienced the panic of losing documents as a result of a computer virus, acciden- tal deletion or even spilling a drink on to a computer and causing a catastrophic crash.”


Top five most common excuses:


• I emailed it to you, but got a bounce-back email • I finished my homework but deleted it by accident • The dog ate it • My computer crashed and I lost it • My printer broke


Top five most bizarre excuses:


• My goldfish ate it • My pet horse ate it • My keyboard got snapped in half • A lion took it • I left it in the sun and the ink faded


Organised by Diplomas Delivering The 6th National Conference on


Delivering Diplomas: Delivery under a new government


Where now for delivery?


Monday 11th October 2010 Lakeside Conference Centre, Aston University, Birmingham WORKSHOP E: DDP support


Sue Kirkham, Education Policy Specialist Association of School and College Leaders


Full steam ahead with delivery Brian Rossiter, Headteacher, Valley School, Worksop (Bassetlaw Consortium)


Diplomas: The lessons learned so far Pauline Wade, Senior Research Offi cer, NFER


Dr Gill Haynes, Senior Lecturer, School of Education and Lifelong Learning, Exeter University


The Advanced Diploma: Passport to HE Bethanie Williams, Head of Corporate Data, UCAS Joanna Wilkins, Diploma Tracking Data Offi cer, UCAS


WORKSHOP A: Ask the Awarding Bodies Back by popular demand, this workshop will feature experts from the main Diploma awarding bodies who will be able to answer any questions from delegates about their Diploma delivery.


WORKSHOP B:


Higher education progression Experts, including our morning speakers from Exeter University and the National Foundation for Educational Research, will inform delegates


about progression to higher education for Diploma students.


WORKSHOP C: Employer engagement – why and how? Our award-winning Diploma employers from the National Delivering Diplomas Awards 2010 will talk to practitioners and employers about their best practice and Diploma engagement.


WORKSHOP D: Ask the Diploma students The students of Hanham High School have lit up previous conferences with their insights into what inspires and engages them about Diploma delivery. Delegates will have the chance at this event to quiz the students and their teacher about what to them makes an inspiring Diploma offer.


This session will examine how the Diploma Development Partnerships will continue to support the Diploma roll out programme in light of the recent decision to end funding.


WORKSHOP F: Best practice in Diploma


teaching and learning Our award-winning teachers and lecturers from the National Delivering Diploma Awards 2010 will offer their advice and best practice on Diploma delivery. This includes discussion of best practice, available resources, Diploma pedagogy, and adapting and developing Line of Learning Frameworks.


WORKSHOP G: Assessment Diploma assessment is another area in which many of our previous delegates have requested more information. Following on from the Awarding Bodies session earlier in the day, this workshop will discuss how to organise Diploma assessment and what best practice looks like.


WORKSHOP H: Consortium of the Year 2010 One of our award-winning consortia from the National Delivering Diplomas Awards will offer their advice on all aspects of Diploma delivery including setting up, developing and sustaining your offer.


For more information and the full programme visit www.deliveringdiplomas.com or call 0207 501 6762 to book your place


16 SecEd • September 16 2010


BOOK NOW


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