HUSTLER HUMOR

A butch lesbian came storming into a straight pub, took a stool and brazenly boasted,

“My dildo can do anything a man can do!”

From the far end of the bar, a drunk-as-a-skunk lad shouted, “Oh, yeah, bitch? Let’s see your fuckin’ dildo get up and order a round of drinks!”

Thanks to their next-door neighbours’ barking dog, a blonde and her husband couldn’t fall asleep for hours. Finally the blonde jumped out of bed. “I’ve had it!” she huffed, rushing out of the bedroom.

Several minutes later the blonde returned, but the canine was still yapping away. “Gee, honey,” the husband grumbled, “what did you do?”

The blonde replied, “I put the damn dog in our back garden. Let’s see how they like it!” In an era of equal opportunity, the CIA decided to hire its first female assassin. After

passing the training phase with flying colors, the recruit was ready for her final test. She was taken to a closed door, where the instructor handed her a pistol and said: “We must

With a big shit-eating grin on his face, the

ugliest guy in town stepped into a bar and ordered a tall cold one.

“What are you so happy about, pal?” the bar- keeper inquired.

“Well,” the eyesore began, “I was walking past the railroad station yesterday and noticed this woman tied to the tracks just like in the mov- ies. I cut her free and took her to my place, and we screwed all night long in every position imaginable!”

“You lucky bastard!” the barkeeper yelped. “Was she pretty?”

“I don’t know,” the butt-ugly Romeo owned up. “I never did find her head.”

HUSTLER History: Serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer never ate kids from Beverly Hills because they were spoiled.

One day a little boy asked his mother, “How

come I’m black and you’re white?”

“Never ask me that again!” the flustered mum cried out.

“From what I remember about that party, you’re lucky you don’t bark!”

Coming from opposite directions, two men

pushing shopping trolleys around a big chain store had a bone-jarring collision. One was around 60, the other in his 20s. “I’m so sorry,” the older gentleman whimpered. “I’m looking for my wife and wasn’t paying attention.”

“Don’t worry about it,” the younger dude shot back. “I’m looking for my wife, too. Maybe we can help each other out. My wife is 24 years old, tall, has blonde hair, blue eyes and big boobs, and she’s wearing tight white shorts with a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?”

“To hell with my wife!” the older guy howled. “Let’s look for yours!”

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HUSTLER | ISSUE 40 53

be sure you will follow any orders no matter what the circumstances. Inside that room you will find your husband sitting in a chair. You must kill him.”

The woman stepped into the room and closed the door. Six shots rang out, followed by screaming and a series of loud thuds. After a minute or so there was stone-cold silence. Finally the door opened slowly, and the trainee emerged, covered in blood and wiping sweat from her brow.

“Good Lord, what happened?!” the confused instructor asked.

“The friggin’ gun was loaded with blanks,” the fledgling assassin muttered. “So I had to beat him to death with the chair!”

This is a place to void your guts,

Not a place to bust your nut. Keep it clean, keep it neat. Go back home and beat your meat! Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52  |  Page 53  |  Page 54  |  Page 55  |  Page 56  |  Page 57  |  Page 58  |  Page 59  |  Page 60  |  Page 61  |  Page 62  |  Page 63  |  Page 64  |  Page 65  |  Page 66  |  Page 67  |  Page 68  |  Page 69  |  Page 70  |  Page 71  |  Page 72  |  Page 73  |  Page 74  |  Page 75  |  Page 76  |  Page 77  |  Page 78  |  Page 79  |  Page 80  |  Page 81  |  Page 82  |  Page 83  |  Page 84  |  Page 85  |  Page 86  |  Page 87  |  Page 88  |  Page 89  |  Page 90  |  Page 91  |  Page 92  |  Page 93  |  Page 94  |  Page 95  |  Page 96  |  Page 97  |  Page 98  |  Page 99  |  Page 100