At the chalkface
The new noble profession
WE’RE TALKING careers in Cameron has had an initiative
PSHE. I must make the mites – teaching will now be “a new
Dragon’s Den star challenges
realise their potential in our post- noble profession”. Hurrah!
industrial hell. I rehearse the usual “A high prestige profession.”
drear nostrums. Exam failure Yo! Dave!
equals no job. Exam success It will be “brazenly elitist”!
equals dull jobs. Dear me. Only “the best brains” need
students to make their mark
“You got your GCSEs, then, apply
sir?” says Billy “The Younger” No thickos with thirds from
Crumlin. those polys. Well, bring it on!
by James Everest
“Well, yes, some!” It’s about time the 30 years war
They were called O on intellectuals ended.
levels in my day. Academia Rules. Mind Television “Dragon” Peter Jones
“So why ‘aven’t you, it’s never worked has challenged students to make
you made something of for me. My rather as much money as possible with
yourself, sir?” learned disquisition £10, as part of the third annual
He is genuinely on “Lacan’s Castration Make Your Mark with a Tenner
baffled. He doesn’t get Complex in Fulke competition.
it. I’m not sure if I do. Greville’s Later Verse” The initiative gives young peo-
“You chose to do this?” has never significantly ple a £10 note and challenges them
This? This low informed my lessons with to make as much profit and social
status? This genteel the Not Top 8th years. Or impact as they can in a month.
poverty? This dull anyone else. Mr Jones, along with the found-
attire? Where’s the Well, they might now. ers of social networking site Bebo,
dosh? The flash wheels? The TDA is also keen Michael and Xochi Birch, will
The Italian threads? to recruit only the best. be lending a total of £200,000 to
How can I explain that Bankers. Sacked bankers. young people for the competition,
Damascan moment years ago? They need a job. Ours. They’re which takes place in March.
“I’m young. Idealistic. My better than us. Out go dumpy, Profitable participants must
whole life’s before me. Eureka! whingeing, ill-dressed socialists. repay the £10 loan, but can keep
I’ll ruin it. I’ll choose teaching. In come tufty, thrusting, power- their profits, develop their business
I’ll get patronised, insulted, dressed capitalists! Their “core idea further, or donate the money to
bullied, and variously bollocked motivation” is to “give something a good cause.
by confederacies of dunces for back!” All that nicked dosh? They Six winners will be selected
30 odd years for a pittance!” want to “make a difference”. based on the highest profit, the
No, he wouldn’t get it. He The Younger Crumlin still biggest social impact, and the best
shares the more traditional waits for an answer. “Well, Sir?” business idea. Each winner will Starter for ten: Dragon Peter Jones with students from Paddington Academy in London
perceptions of teachers. I’ve been Erm. “It’s spiritually fulfilling!” receive £100 start-up capital and
a do-gooder, left wing loony, He laughs. And we’re soon to a business mentor to help develop The television personality and proof that if you trust young people 11 and 11 to 19-year-olds. Group
harmless drudge, caring clot, be ennobled. Enriched even. Too their entrepreneurial ideas. successful businessman is encour- to act entrepreneurially they will entries are also accepted.
the enemy within, a wrecker late for me, alas. Too late for me Launching the challenge, Mr aging schools to support the entre- rise to the challenge.” It is run by Enterprise UK, an
of society, and a promoter of to make something of myself. Jones said: “We know that young preneurial instincts of their stu- Some 16,000 students took part organisation which encourages
illiteracy, innumeracy, and people are increasingly concerned dents. in last year’s competition, generat- enterprising activity among young
unnatural sexual activities. I’ve • Ian Whitwham is a former about the challenges society faces, He said: “Mark Your Mark with ing an average individual profit of people. To take part, schools should
been busy breaking Britain. What teacher. A book of his best ever and we’re aiming to show that by a Tenner harnesses the unrivalled £42. register on the Enterprise UK web-
frolics! What an ignoble calling! columns is out now. For details, acting on an enterprising idea it is energy and creativity of young peo- The challenge is open to all site by next Thursday (February
Well, no more. David email email@example.com
possible to make money and a real ple. Their fantastic achievements young people under 19, and will be 11). For more information, visit
difference.” increase each year that we run it, judged in two categories – under- www.enterpriseuk.org.uk/tenner
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