Spend Less The work-spend cycle isn’t just tough on choices, but we’re also modeling healthy behavior that
the pocketbook, it’s a key contributor to time poverty. children will adopt for a lifetime.
Cultural messages encourage us to spend our money
John de Graaf leads Take Back Your Time, a North
as fast as we make it, if not faster. We’re bombarded
American initiative that challenges the epidemic
with images of the latest techno gadget or new car or
of overwork, overscheduling and time famine that
sleek home appliance (often advertised as life necessi-
threatens our health, our families and relationships,
ties or time savers). So we buy these things and then
our communities, and our environment. Learn more
work more to pay for them — in effect, letting our new
about Take Back Your Time at www.timeday.org.
toys gobble up our free time.
Make Time, Take Time (Back to Top) Social scientist
Stepping out of the work-spend cycle is one of the
William Doherty, PhD, coauthor of Putting Family
most fundamental shifts you can make to take back
First: Successful Strategies for Reclaiming Family Life
your time. The more financial freedom you feel, the
in a Hurry-Up World (Holt, 2002), says there’s a lot
less likely you are to overwork. And the more time you
you can do to bring more healthful balance into your
have to devote to your family’s health.
family life:
A New Model (Back to Top) After her mini-sabbatical,
• Set aside specific days and times for family
Jennifer Pelton returned to work vowing to retain the
rituals. Regular family dinners are a good
balance she discovered during her time off. She’s not
commitment (volunteer projects, book clubs, etc.)? on the Internet,” said student Lauren Gryctko. “I’m
place to start. Strive for four to five times per
immune to the pressures of modern life, certainly, so
How many extracurricular activities are your kids in- actually sad the project is over.”
week, but, if necessary, start with once a week
when she feels herself teetering off course, she recruits
volved in? How much focus are you able to give your
— and then increase the frequency as family
Others reported improvements in their sleep and eat-
the help of two friends she designated as “balance
spouse and children, and how consistent are you in
demand increases!
ing habits, increased (and enjoyable!) time spent with
buddies.” Instead of pushing each other to do more,
taking good care of yourself, being a good role model
parents, less stress, and greater overall feelings of
she says, they check in regularly and “push each other • Use discernment when faced with any re-
for the young adults your children will soon become?
happiness and satisfaction. Most said they planned to
to slow down.” quest for your time: Will the satisfaction of
Experiment Temporarily drop one or two commit- continue the changes they’d made.
the event outweigh the pressure it will put on
Pelton also carves out time to meditate, which, she
ments from your list, and encourage your family
your schedule? Does this commitment sync
UNschedule As you experiment with paring down
says, helps her stay more conscious and balanced.
members to do the same. This may prove easier and
with your true priorities?
commitments, actively plan nothing in their place.
This healthy ritual also sets a good example for her
less painful than you think and will give you an inter-
Unstructured family time can lead to healthy, unex-
entire household. • Practice bowing out. Give “no” a try when
esting experience to share as a family.
pected surprises — a family walk, cooking together, an
faced with overtime requests and invitations
“The behavior I model [for my kids] is far better ab-
A group of high school seniors at Amherst County afternoon in the yard looking for four-leaf clovers. Or,
to events you’re really not interested in — and
sorbed than what I say,” she explains. “If I’m caring
High School near Lynchburg, Va., spent a week giving if you do want to schedule an activity, plan an outing
also when your kids want to sign up for ac-
for myself, and integrating meditation, simple exer-
up a possession or activity they thought they couldn’t or start a new family ritual.
tivities that have the potential to overwhelm
cise and healthy food into my life, then they are more
live without — everything from television and Web
them and you.
Guarding your new free time requires you to practice
likely to see it and act on it as natural.”
surfing to shopping for clothes and driving. Almost all
saying no. Begin by declining small requests and soon
• Do a trial run. When scaling back or phasing
the students found real value in the exercise.
With small steps and some external support, we can
you’ll be ready to tackle bigger ones. Remember: Saying
out some activities, first do so temporarily.
all get closer to more balanced, “time-rich” lives. And
“This project made the past week more fun than it no to a request now doesn’t mean you can’t say yes later,
Knowing you can reverse your decisions will
that shift is one of the best gifts we can give to the
would have been if I’d watched TV or wasted my time when or if you realign or eliminate other commitments.
embolden you to try adjustments you might
people we love the most. Not only are we more pres-
(See “Getting to No” in the March 2008 archives.)
otherwise put off. Continued on page 92
ent in our families’ lives, actively promoting healthy
90
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91
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