jenko ataman/AdobeStock.com jenko ataman/AdobeStock.com


says Tchiki Davis, Ph.D., a Psychology Today blogger and founder of Te Berkeley Well-Being Institute. Te following are research- based methods to enhance happiness:


1 Aim for a three-to-one ratio of positive to negative experiences


Te difference between languishing and flourishing, says Fredrickson in her book Positivity, is constructing a life in which heartfelt positive experiences outnumber the negatives by three to one. Positive experiences that flow from feelings such as gratitude, serenity, hope, awe and love can be as simple as exchanging smiles with a passerby, patting a friend on the back, joking with a cashier, picking up something that someone has dropped or planting a kiss on a son’s head. She emphasizes that the experiences must be authentic and heartfelt: acting “Pollyanna-ish” out of habit or pasting on a smile can actually make us feel worse, and positivity can turn toxic if it’s relentlessly turned on 100 percent of the time. “True happiness is not rigid and unchanging,” she says. When it comes to marriage, five positive interactions for every


negative one is the “magic ratio” that makes it happy and stable, according to studies by renowned relationship psychologist John Gottman, author of What Makes Love Last. “Successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures and small acts,” he writes.


2 Flip negativity by reframing experiences


Positive reframing involves shiſting misery-making thinking to see the positive side of any situation. Canadian researchers reported in a 340-person survey at APA PsycNet that during the pandemic, reframing was the most effective mental health strategy; people practicing it gradually felt better, while people that vented, distracted themselves or disengaged from others fared worse. Reframing strategies include viewing a problem as a challenge, a learning opportunity or a way to help others; finding the higher purpose or divine order in a bad situation; exploring what the unexpected benefits might be; and finding humor in a situation.


3 Defuse the inner critic with caring self-talk


Berating ourselves for our shortcomings is a sure route to suffering, but applying self-compassion powerfully lowers the volume. It involves three elements: treating ourselves as kindly as we would a dear friend; realizing that making mistakes is intrinsically human so we’re not alone; and non-judgmentally facing our emotions without denying or indulging them, according to its major theorist, psychologist Kristin Neff, author of Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind. Numerous studies show that people that practice self- compassion have less self-doubt and fewer negative thoughts, are less likely to feel anxious or depressed, enjoy better health and relationships and are more resilient and motivated to change.


Another way to handle the inner critic is to transform it by


befriending and chatting with it, a method used in voice dialogue therapy and in the Internal Family Systems approach. Jackie Graybill, a Seattle songwriter and piano teacher, calls her “mean girl” inner critic Brutista Dynasticus. “I’ll find myself responding to an inner thought like, ‘You look fat. Just how much weight have you gained over COVID?!’ with a recognition like, ‘Oh, Brutista, that wasn’t very nice. I may have some extra pounds, but this healthy body has gotten me through a freaking pandemic! Show a little respect, okay?’ Tis quiets her down because I’ve recognized her and addressed her, and I feel an inner sense of victory because I’ve brought a positive truth to bear. It’s a very empowering practice.”


4 Clear away pain by questioning assumptions


Of our estimated 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day, about 80 percent are negative and 95 percent are repetitive, says the National Science Foundation. Tose noisy mental loops dampen our spirits by repetitively telling us that something regretful should not have happened in the past or is going to happen to blight the future. Few worries have real credence: A Cornell University study found that 85 percent of what people worry about never happens. Of the 15 percent of worries that did happen, 79 percent of people found they handled the problem better than they had expected or that they learned a valuable lesson from it. Cognitive behavioral therapists help clients to examine those beliefs and assumptions, challenge the dysfunctional ones and try out different interpretations to uncover the truth. Victor Blue, a Tampa transportation engineer, examined his


difficult relationship with a tyrannical father by asking himself two questions that spiritual teacher and author Byron Katie suggests applying to any painful thought: “Is it true? Can you absolutely know it’s true?” Self-inquiring deeply, Blue realized he had a distorted view: His father had in fact loved him, but had lacked the capacity to show it with warmth or tenderness. “My father started with very little and saw a tough world and treated everyone tough,” he says. “And I came to realize that yes, I am able to father myself.”


5 Open the heart by deepening gratitude


Perhaps the most popular and direct approach to happiness is gratitude. Research shows that feeling and expressing thankfulness significantly boosts emotional well-being, makes us feel more connected and generous to others, and improves health and sleep quality. In one study, writing a few sentences of gratitude once per week for 10 weeks increased optimism and hope in participants; they even exercised more and had fewer doctor visits


August 2021 15


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32