WHAT GETS IN THE WAY OF GOOD CONVERSATIONS? Sarah also looked at some of the blockages and issues that might stop people having healthy conversations about difficult themes. These include:
• I don’t have the time • There are some people you can’t talk to
• Nothing will change anyway
(ie I would rather not have that conversation) • Better not
rock the
(expressing a fear of potential fallout from the conversation and even emotional damage)
Sarah said that there could be real systemic challenges and barriers to beginning such a dialogue, and it was important before you began to plan for a difficult conversation to be aware of the “inner game “of conversation, and the blocks and obstacles that might be there. She
encouraged attendees
to reflect on the conversations they found challenging – from advocating for yourself, giving challenging feedback to a senior colleague, making your voice heard in meetings, or coaching your team.
NAME IT TO TAME IT – NAME THE BLOCK TO LOOSEN ITS GRIP ON YOU Sarah explained that barriers, both internal and external, can hinder your ability to engage. She discussed the
psychological principle of
“name it to tame it.” In other words, by naming your fears, they lose some of their grip on you. An example, which Sarah had used herself, was to be open and
boat
say: “I’m feeling really agitated by this conversation”. Whether it is a lack of confidence,
fear of conflict, or time constraints, by naming the issue that holds you back, you can reduce the fear. Sarah also looked at resources you could use to help you succeed in initiating and managing a difficult conversation and explained that
might not want to engage include
although we with
tricky issues, managing the fallout in the long run takes more time than leaning in and sorting it out. This might
speaking your opening line
actually out
loud, after you have decided what approach you are going to use. It might also be practising a difficult conversation with a friend, or having a personal mantra to encourage yourself when you are nervous. She suggested you “Name it to
claim it” in order to tap into the strength of past successes and your internal and external resources to provide support. “Think
about what draw on to get you can you across the
line,” she says. “Having a difficult conversation is a skill that you can learn and practice.” In a session packed with practical
advice, her major takeaways for difficult conversations include taking your seat and being present and not distracted, finding your opening line and practicing it out loud, picking your moment and place, preparing for contingencies and having an affirmation that can take you over the threshold.
WATCH THE
THINK GLOBAL WOMEN VIDEOS
“ A CONVERSATION IS A THRESHOLD YOU CAN CROSS. CONVERSATIONS ARE APERTURES THAT OPEN UP THINGS OR SHUT THEM DOWN IF THEY ARE NOT SUCCESSFUL.”
SARAH ROZENTHULER, THINK GLOBAL WOMEN SPEAKER
SARAH ROZENTHULER S
arah Rozenthuler is a Chartered Psychologist, founder of Bridgework
Consulting, author, faculty member of Saïd Business School, University of Oxford and Associate Fellow of British Psychological Society. Through her deep understanding of coaching executives and fostering authentic dialogue, Sarah inspires leaders to collaborate effectively, amplify team potential and drive organisational change with a meaningful purpose. She is author of
three successful books including the latest ‘Now We’re talking: How to discuss what really matters’ and ‘Powered by Purpose: Energising your people to do great work’.
Images credit: Relocate Global & Think Global People events
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