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e u R | j ]*3 H E R O E I lM E S , F R I D A Y ' k-::v2Ctrr .Stage. VARIETIES. &C. - V. ■■


SJi.s. Potts: “What I toll him.’* “ PIcaso, auntie, may I have the fairy off the


Airs. Watts: *‘What does your ^husband do?


xnent?*^* She; “ Yea^ Give mo a few minutes to ^‘Your wife' bought those cigars, didn’t she?”


/ ‘ ’Tain’t Sunday.” Dr. Pillbox: “ Fair oxchango is no robbery.


Vicar’s Wife; “ Tommy Crowther, you haven t Traslicd j'our faco to-day.” ‘ Tommy Crowlhcr :


.


Christmas tree—if I don't ask you for i t ’ Ho (at the dauce): “ May I offer you some refresh-


» pretty box.” ' “ You remind mo so much of my poor, dear lirst


•*Yc8; how did you guess it?” “ They’re iu such


Qiusband I” “ You remind mo of him altogether too much, my dear.”


Van Sharp: “ All right, doctor; you treat mo,


Inearly a hundred stops.” Richard: "Tno most hvonderful organ I ever saw was the property oi a [widow. I t was her tongue, and it had no stops at


George: *^Tho most w’ondorful ot’gnn T e>cr aaw was tho property of a private gentleman. I t had


rEcd-lmndDd: “ Ah 1” said his mother __as she (found him in tho


Ithrouffh with you you will know bettor. Yosjn, C a T e little’^boy; “ I will. I 'l l use a spoon next


caught yon red-handed. I thmk by the


t 'Jl J set


*‘ pana- “ You saw that big hoy wdiipping tho llltlS'^one, and you didn’t interfere? Suppose you


hod been that littlo boy?” Bobhip: I of that; an’ was going to part


j happened to think, s’poso I ivas tho big boy? So .M *'’/ " s o


«nd I ’ll treat you.” “ You don’t tell mo seriously that you mean to marry that girl for love?” “ Yes; love for the old


**A woman twentj’ minutes after she has promised lo love, honour, and obey.”


Littlo Willie: “ Pa, what’s an autocrat? F a : *


,, -o


^-A clergyman supping with one of his parishionom was of courso, asked to say “ grace. The youngort lad when ho iiad finished, looked at him in astonishj onent, and said, “ That’s nothow my pa says grace “ Ancl w'hat does your pa say, my littlo man? “ Oh, my pa looks at ma and says. Good heavens,


gentleman’s money.” Fond Alamma: “ Bobby, Bobbywhatever makes


you so restless?” - Bobby: “ Having to keep still ■o much, I suppose.”


those two nice looking ladies?” “ One is his wife makin’ that reward f6i; “ What makes Courtly so short and gruff '"’ith


und the other is his mother.” . A certain elderly married man says that he first mot hia wife in a storm, proposed in a storm, and


after us,” as a man said who throw a barrel in the way of a constable who was chasing him.


boon ill. Had you to keep to your bed?” Work- Alr.i. Fatpurso: “ I am sorry to learn that


loss Willie: “ No, mum, I had to sell it.” “ You’ve got a very peculiar nose. Well,


a-


itbat’s none of your business, is it?” “ No. but you eecm fond of putting it in other people’s.” Air. Banks: “ Don’t you think my wife paints


has lived in a storm ever since. “ I t is well lo leave something for those who come


live (Icr veck o u d t/’ Tho Sheriff: “ The


You sec, Bill, if you e it to charge tho county nothin’ for yov


was mighty kind of you. ^ The Shenfi. - dono ns there was any P«ttick'or.l'>"d»oss ahoi t it.


talked ’em out of it. ®qu*


^^^ahshaw^: “ What do you moan by cheating mo like this? You said this chain I bought hero would last a lifetime, and hero’s all the P'f*?"®, " “-f”


in a month.” Goldstein: “ Mine fricndt, I said dot slmin vould last you a lifctimo, pocauso vhen are yo-i p uT it jmu look so sick I didn’t tink you vould


j


U* you ‘ dead or alive, but 1 ** T^twor, T^tll t ** (Tfike. that


Oh, I


and wouldn’t git no fee fer hangm you. fer your board.


w T»;ii :r was brought in dead I wouldn t


Young man,” said tlio investigating pliil- anthropist, “ you are an interesting puzzle to mo.


You aro too proud to bog, too honest to steal, and too lazy to Vork. How in tho world do you


ally robbing your cniployer.” Tho Defaulter:. “ Well, X believe in doing things systematically. “ I t ’s your wife at the felophonc,” said tho office


very nicely” Aliss Alilburn: “ Charming! I t makes licr look so much younger. I think.” Tho Judge: “ You are charged with systematic­


boy. “ Tell her I ’m but for the afternoon.” Bays to toll you he’s out for the afternoon, mum. She: “ There’s a blunder. Six months are sup­


posed to elapse between the first and second acts.’ H e : “ Well?” She: “ They have tho same cook. Alinistcr (to inebriated party),: “ What’s the


how.”


always do as you father tells you, don’t you?” Tlio Little Alan : “ No, sir; mamma would whack mo if I did.”


Visitor: “ There’s a good little man! You ,


th a t form the human skull.” Aledical Student: “ I ’ve got them all in my head, but I c an t recall (their names.” .


dosporatoly?” Simplex: “ Oh, a thousand things? Ho always looks pleased, for instance, when you sing and play.”


She; “ What makes you think ho loves mo so . . ,


pose it was my own fault.” “ How?” “ Well, I ought to have known enough to lot a woman havo


her own way.” Alphonse: “ You never heard of women cashiers


“ Yes, a wheel-woman ran mo down; but i sup­ , x


running of? with their employers’ money.” “ Not often; but when it does happen they take the


cmploj’cr, too.” Airs. (B.: “ The idea of those Smiths being hero


naturally, then.”


a woman with an independent forfunc.” . Winkers (sadly): “ No-o; I married a fortune with an .in­ dependent woman.”


Blinkers: “ Hclloi Winkers, I hear you married ,


long, Mrs. Iloolan.” 'Airs, lloolan: “ How’s that, Alurphy?” “ Boe.auso he was killed an hour ago- at the brick works.” “ How do you know that ])rctty 3*oung woman la


Murphy: “ I don’t think your husband will live ,


Iho wife of tlio fellow with tho side whiskers?” “ I ju-«t licard him saj* to her ’Come on— this one with j*ou.’ ” .


ho cured his own hams, ono of his guests observed: “ Doctor, I would a great deal sooner bo j'our bam than j'our patient.” Clerk: “ I throw all my business off my mind as-


fts j*ou profess to ibe,” said the armj" surgeon. “But I ain,” replied the recruit. “ I am so sick of army life that I can’t move.” A colobratod phj'sician boasting at dinner that-


A Bad Case.—“ I don’t believe j’ou are as sick .


soon as I leave the office at n ig h t .Em p lo y e r : “ I wish you could manage to throw it on a littlo quicker in the morning.’ Airs. Babbleton : “ I onlj* speak mj' mind.” Poor Gabblcton (with surprising spirit): chango it so often that time in order


I suppose you are gettintg better wages at j’onr new place?” Alary:


Lady (meeting lier


to speak it.” ef


nothing now—I’m married.” The Colonel:


“ No, ma’am, ,


it keeps j*ou talking all former servant):


“ Yes, but I’m working “ Ah, Alary, for*


Buicido, has ho? Well, I .should havo thought that- ■would havo been tiio last thin.g ho’d have done.” '


“ So poor old Alike has committed.


Tenant: “ Which it were, sor.” Bilkins: “ I called at j'our house to see you to--


day, and I noticed that your wife referred to y«u*- as the bond of the family.” AVilkins: “ H ’ml. You. called to collect a bill, I gather?”


promised to marry that young gentleman.” ] Daughter: “ Oh, no, papa. I only said ho couldl be engaged to me if ho wanted to.” Alorali&t: “ Pat, what is 3’oiir idea of the doc­


Father: “ But, niy dear, I thought j*ou had*,


trine of eternal punishment?” P a t : “ Well, re­ memberin’ the deservin’s of some people, me own.i idea is that it would not last long enough.” “ How did the cough mixlurc work that I gave*


you?” “ Badl}', I spilled it all over the bedclothes.” ' “ How did 3’ou come to do that?’’ “ I didn’t notico* that they were hanging out on the line in tho yard.” ' “ AVailcr!” ho said, bringing all his knowledgo;


j*ou- tho


“I ’ll^clance- '


Miss Cunsiiniftiu.


a t this watering place! W<hy, they are in the milk trad e !” Air. B . : “ Oh, they must 'havo drifted hora-


\ r ^ ‘ Professor: “ Give me the names of the bones , , ,


matter?” I. P . : “ I was at a marriage, or a fun ral, I don’no which, but it was a great succesb, any­


A N A F F A IR OF T H E H E A R T .


Hkysoii, Bfedfordabire, l>ut for a remarkablo occurrence rcconily, might have for ever ro- maiiud iu ruial seclusion. But the/finite Cmnd-y News found an interesting .story tlieio Aims


“ Mother; -■ U y t ,Daisy^vhatever are you.doing with papa’s big dictionary?” Daisy, five years old \ “ I am only looking for my dolly’s lost, mamma; papa s ai d,vcstorda:r, that you could find


th a t it takes two alarm clocks and all tho memhers


self anyivay; I havo risen , by my own efforts. Wife: Never in the morning, John-


I notico


of tlio household to get you up. The Rev. Dr. Fourthly: Air. Wrappemiip, I


tha t I couldn’t get away in lime.


didn’t see you at church yesterday morning. Gr(S;er: “ No, doctor. So many,of your congre- H io n «ime to get supplies for their Sunday dinner


evorvtbing in ■tbo dictionary.^ n H a n d : “ There’s ono thing I can say for mjr;


boys wore all in*,favour of: —ti-u . » Tnko


The .“ver


;?’)ctrcJ.of f tar rt lcmoranf '". clmi-iihi!. pahovainn 'iironei-tri f by


the cheaply ^cd Taken, sys'.ci fnw “ copp"


'lim its ‘ ’I’be time, of ti-o' y e a r ' is n|m™nobmf> ■ wi.on cm side riding in besoming Iras p.enniuit. of coiiiso, hnt given-,a rnmlc.s, eJ-nr day and a


AVosto'ri' ' 'Ran'ovii, Xoit'.ieni, .and bous.ievii Kbillin-'s snffmin;; .to . llio sigbiseor ' to tlm ’


g,>od-ovoiconl, oven- a wintry rule on a bus is nniovahlc. Tlmt the morus, and tiscfnlnOsS of llio ‘aeeonimodating Ims.-.aro , midpru,,oad and ,


apm-ooiated is manifest tr-i'l'iio thov nrg.iliatr, and the -.coimimmi y .


incroasiug Vlditions made to the brightly painted vchiclas whieh llirong tho streets.


But ihe mo^t legitimnle uso .of the omnibus is to convov workmen luul women .to and fro


- n /


befAveeu their homes .in the near Buburbs and the vicinity of thc r 'b n ire s or tliou* workshops in the CitV. The tram-car and- the omnibus kdou rivals ..ilnring tlm “ slack” lonvs of the


dav, blit ill the cariy moniin” and the eiemiij they are alike assailed by phunoiirmg hordes of


tiassenrers, who fi.fht and slrngglo for vacant


?eats a t all tho termini and tho chief stoppiiY p lH s en mule. The dav of chivalry is dead and (prohahly because of the over-moieasing


competition between men .and, woinon m business life) the City clo-.-k no loni'or feels


himself called upon to politely g‘yo up his seat 1 response to Iho conductor’s enquiry of


“ IVill any gentleman ride outside to oblige a lady."


_ J falters raihvaj’P. areiVLu j lust Everybody wants as n had with


about tho — ovewbodv wants to lea\c — .


same time iu tbo morning, and the


to got -:


same tinm in the evening, so that oven on tho most frequently served of railways, morning and H n ln g trains are chionicnlly over-crowded. Even the expedient which many city iiien adopt of taking first class season tickets does not always avail thorn, smeo the superior H r ia c o s arc usually invaded and monopolised by infuriated holders of third-class tickets, who find no room for them m their own can in es. There seems to ho no rem ed y ,for this st.ite of affairs, except tho fnrthor miiltiphcation of railwavs The present lines, althonch 11 ^.“ merlnB, are iitt’erly inadequate to the re-


to tno city •ii,_


suburhan


AMER IC A N H UMOU R . ---------


«“ These biscuSts aro rather heavy,” ho observed. • His wife burst int'O tears.


CRITiaiSAL ■ 1 ’ Bobbed.


“ Then you do not worship me aiiy more 1 sne ,


,u u


ship t” protested the man, nob unreproachlully. ^ | -- y


“ Higher criticism is not incompatible with wor­ ...


quirements of the AfetropoIi3. A great many city clerks of both sexes havo


solved the problem by riding to and from their


Louisa Cuuninglon said, “ L have l-o^u a s«f- ferer a l l m y l i fe . ■\Vhen a child I was a b le


to a t


-|.mequal to •Vmy dress- . y m a k i n g .


\ since,often . felt, quite


sc h o o l only about h a l f th o t im e s I ought, and


t o u d


In child­ hood I was tho victim


to frequent hcttit-f*-ilure, cauoing severe faint­ ing fits. Aly digcr.lion was bad, and I hud so litilo appclilo


wjs Ifiroly nccoHsary to sustain life. • I sufTcred i could ca t no more than


tem h ly witli lie.*iviiwli*js. Three or four years jigo, niv ni*'»Lhci* took mo to Bedford Infirmary, for a period uf si.< inoncliK, With littlo or no


rosulL.” Airs. Cunnington here took up the thread of


tho hiorv, and sjid iliai litsf! \'e»t.r slie rend two or three remarkable cures, in cue ease very similar to ih t t of her (huighter, duo to Dr. Williams’ Pink Pills for Pale People, libo gob


•the surprise of uli b* r ncquiiintances, .she wus :now able t-> e it wj.*ll. and to peiforiii all )ior <lutics. The f liiitiiu h:s Inive entirely conood, 4iiid she is no ioiiJ/’r tr*»ubl*.*d willi tho-o diH- XrcHsiiig 83';:ipioins nhich so long hotl beou tho •torment of her I fe.” Dr. Williams* JTul< Pills for Palo Pcopl*\ havo .


said, '‘ After tu i i iu the vi'Utot.ts of the two 'j.-O


acs Jionio rnpi«lly impmved in health. To


■cured about sovou Uioasattd cases of unsomia;. general wc.iknehs, loss of appetib-’, i)ul|iUition,


chronic er3’sipuias, coiiKumption of the bowels . •and lungs. Tliese Pills aro not a i»urgalivo, -and contain notlii'ig tluit c*)u! 1 injure tho mor-t delicate. '.I’licy aro’g'-uuin-i only wiih tiio fnU ■vani". Dr. Wiliiams’ Pink I'IIIh for Pule People, and are soU by Dr. Wilii.nns’ Modicitio Com- ■panv, aO, Il«>lborn-v*a !uct, I jOihIod, E.O., at 2a. \h\. a I OX. ov six bo.Y-.-s ler Lfg. OJ., ix)st freo. Jpilis sold inosc are n-.t


BhortiicsH of bniuth. cariy dcc»»y. all forms of female weakness, hy.stcris., paralysis, locomotor ataxy, rljeinnutiEiu, tcuuica, Fcrofula, rickets,


SABDEN.


hind you who is talking with a man?” “ Ho: my wife.” She: “ But >-ou haven’t looked round, •to SCO whom I mean.” l ie : “ Oh, 3'our description! is enough 1” “ My dear,” /?aid Airs. Codling io his wife, when:


ordered tho sun to stand shtiill?” P a t : “ I dunno.. Some son uv a gun uv a conthractor who wanted. io git a big da3'’s work out uv tbo labourin’ man,, 3’c can bet.” She: Wlio i.s that fri^'htfuMooking woman bc--


of French into pla3*, “ can you understand what I.! saj'?” “ Oui, monsieur,” ^ replied the French; ■waiter, oolite^': “ I haf vairo good knowledge o f Englccisli.” Roone>’ : “ Sa>’, Pat, can ye tell me who ut was*,


fihe sociely in connection w'lth Uie Baj) liol Suii- \h\y .'oohe-;; nas liol-.l on. Monday »:v?n;ng, whin ;a pnp?r v»*.a‘'j rend i'3* the H-cv. A. II. A\ Cftt, B.A.. •on 'Moi*i;i Milton.”


Fvf th i : society MUTUAL l.UPROVEME.NT.—A melting of


two boxes of tho Pills. Qijcktioned us to the rcsulfs, Airs. Cuuiiiugtou


work on their bicycles, and a more would do so if it were not for t o difiiculty of finding accommodation foi tno


machines in or near their ofiices.


the weather is wot the bicycles have to be left a t homo, and their riders g oto swell the tlnouo of patrons of omnibus, tramwa\', and rail.


" ’' ’eft No hobby has made snob progress during


recent vears as amateur photography. .Lius is evidence'd on all sides—in London where the visitor from the country is so often


shotting” the buildings and V


rambles. I myself have extracted any amount of enjoyment in tins way, but tlio leisure nne which is necessary to develop and pimt 'with good results is not given to everyoiie,


in the country around, into winch tlio Londoner tramps or cycles, carrying hia camera witli him and taking snap-shots of the pretty scenes mid interesting objects be comes across


’'=i«s oLintoics t.ani 111 bis f ’-'P; ■ ^‘broguo” "which ho loved to employ. ^


Hero is a story which Baron Dowse, the cele­ brated Irish Judge, once told in th a t exaggerated


HABIT. .


• never laugh,” said the Baron, * if 'they didn t all ^falk into tho dook.*^


On tho first day when iho jury camo in, the officer of tho court said: ‘ Gintlemcn av the jur3', 5^0 II take ycr nocustomed places, if 3'e plaze.


“ I -was down in Cork last month holding assizes. ; 11


• ----------------A PRACTICAL VIEW. The 'lesson was from the “ Prodigal Son, and


» ' the


snort* is ' kconlT“ iutorostii.g; but frequently a race decencrates into a mere walk-over tUrougn the break-down of tlie mcohamsm of one or


named—is now in UiQ zenith of its annual Ldorv: for tho ' Brigliton season commences with November, and tho ‘ upper- classes, theatrical folk, and wealthy Oity men; delight to freonont tho.Kings Hoad, freed from tlio hordes of olie.ap trippers who throng Brighton ■


wiieii tile heat-wave season is on. .


, : :


other of the maohincs. London - super - Mare—as : Brighton is nick­


advises th a f t lie ir machines should be ridden with Hanerfectlv dry chain. But a dr>* chain sets up


and an American firm Vepresented ,in ^


' tallow and blackilead is largely used, b u t v ^ eh n e and black lead as recommended by the w n te i in tho C.T.O. Gazette, is a new combination.


friction and besides is exposed to tho corroding effects of rain and damp mists. A nnxture 01


and back has been lowered by halLan-hour, by th a t sterling nnpaced rider G. A. OHej, of t o


The classic road record London to Portsmouth SENIOR OERT, R.A.M, and K()\i m e m O'RANDUM.


Vegetarian Gvole Club. His time fqi the full distance of 143 miles was 8hrs. Simms. He is quite a youth, being only about seventeen years o£ age, and is the son of a well-known estate agent


a t ■Wimbledon. He r Majesty the Qncon,with her u su a l thought­


fulness for h e r subjects, lias directed th a t her carriage horses at Windsor should be, so to speak, broken into the motor, th a t is th a t they should by a course of training be accustomed to motors. Witn this end in view tlie head coacliman has been instructed to submit the Queen’s carnage horses to a series of experiments. 'Tlie-se linve taken the form of introducing motors, botli stationery and in motion, into tlie Eoyal demense a t Windsor whera tho horses have been exercised by being driven past the motor, both coming and going. I t is stated th a t tlie most thorougli tests have been omployed.and tha t oddly enough tho niosl thorough- bred ■ horses bn.v« been least agitated b 3* tho


innovation.


to the ■Welch-Bartletl tyre. I t lias been tliproiighly tested by skilled experts and tho concensus of opinion is tlia t is is without superior amongst


■but only bitterness; ono who did not approve ot tho feast being hold, and w-ho had no wish to at­ tend it; Now can any ot you tell mo who this waa!” Thero was a breathless s i le n c e , followed by a vigorous cracking of thumbs, and then from a dozen sympathotio littlo geniuses camp the chorus:


the Sunday school teacher was .dwelling on the oharaotor of tho older brother. “ But amidst all the rejoicing,” ho said. “ there was ono to whom tho preparation of the fea.st ,brought no joy,


*^*Pleaso, sir, i t was tho fatted calf. 'i HIS FIRST THOUGHT.


and aiiart from tliis there arc niany wlio mving to lack of knowledge as how host to doiclop, and print, get inferior results from wliat would otherwise he excellent pictures.


Eccentlv I liave boon placing my developing


and printing witli a firm wdio lay themsclyes out for this class of work, and a t a puce '''bicb I lm v c found a long way within tho Iiguro 1 had hitherto been charged by other people, ami tliat without tho quality of tlie work in any way suffering. I f any of my readers arc mteres ed,


tlie firin is A. ,T. Wilson tV (.0., Ltd., »£ Clerkenwell Hoad, London, E.O. i iiey do ail kinds of pliolographio work, and as :in instance of their low rates, I might mention tii.o.. tlicv develop tho almost universal (inavter-plate.s at 2s. fid. a dozen, and supply prims at so low as “Is a dozen. Such a firm as tins does a grc:it deal to help along tlio amatenr, as wlion sond- in<' prints they make it a rule to call attention to" any mistake tlio operator may have niade, which to his advantage ho is sure to avoid in


tho future.


At last, man is onmnoipaloil! Too lon^ has woman nioiiopolisod lliat (lepartiiicnt of Olio


literary world devoted lo Eashion Pr.pors. Now, man has a fashion paper ail to himself. ir iie . it docs not aspire to the imposing folio, si/e of the Oucen, tho Ccntlcvtioman, and the rest of the Indies’ weeklies; it even restricts itself to monthty publication; but still it h a men’s tasliion paper, ami does not pretend to be niiytlnng elbo I t has a peculiarly laconic name,—“ l e s ! I t is neat, ancl well illustrated, ami tells you just what will be worn during the cqming srason. But, alas! Cherches la Jcmmc \' No less than throe pages aro devoted lo paragraplis anent fashions for ladies; and the hopclersncsB of making a purely masculine monthl.V is confessed by one full pugo illubtration dipiciing “ Yoinen whom men admire,” IStrs. J.lro\vn-B*)itcr uemg tho first, and Mrs. LangtrN’ promised next.


Tu'clvc Tales^ "wUh a licadpiccc. a failpica'. nud


" i l l : pregriumne, wli'.ch wm a go-zd one. conLis?(o-l ‘C.’: p a r i -0115.; by the cli-air, iccUa'-iiunu and a .iliaioaii.,:. An uddr-,*'-: of I'cnn.! advice to .voung jK'Tp’owi*’ g.vu:i l.v Mr. John Sur?nr. Mr. .lo)i*i


WESLEYAN BAND OF irOBE.—A meeting lieM on Siilunlny evening,


‘Cook pre i lc-i, ami there wa.i ucapUal auilience. SINOLTLAR DEA’l I l Ol* A ROBSE.—As n


•ho went* Bioine tho otlior evening, “ a receiver lias^ boon appointed to take charge of inv affairs.” ' ‘How nioo!” cooed .Mr.s. Codling, “ AVhcii will he* hold hi.s first reception?” Alina (whispering to her mother): “ Aluminic,.


■whisper in company?” Altna: “ Well, it would be* ruder lo sa}- it out loud 1”


iwo sisters, and came homo crying “ What is the - matter, dear?” inquired her inother.|^’*Hc Drenched ■ a whole s-scrinon—about—Al-AIary and Alartln,”


fobbed Barbara, “ and—never said—a w-word aboufck . — ------- .. ______________________


- \ k B


iiiil i f


isn t old enough to marry 3'ct. She crie.s wlionovor * any ono scolds her; and until she bccomn.s hardened - enough to. reply vigorously she i.sn’t fit for a wife.” Four-year-old Barbaro .wont to church with her *


to tho circus, and among the mail}* sti'ango things : that ho saw there was one olepliant slunding on ? lh« tf£ck of another. “ Look, papa,” the boy ex-• olailncd, “ there’s a lwo*slor3* elephant!” “ No,” said the fond mother, sjieaking up proudly ' I)f Jicr twcnt3’--live.j-car-old daughter, “ no, Alary '


Littlo six*3’car*old AVilIio accompany -his father* ^


isn’t Colonel Grimshaw iigl3*?” Tho Colonel: “ Don’t you know, iny little'girl, that it is rude to*


“ I sonietiinos fear tliat 3011 don’t love me aiiv’ more.” Right Vou arc,” said I ’aul, embracing* her. “ I couldn’t .” And ElU^l heaved 1 sigh, and . Bottled down oontcnlodlv.


“ Do you know, Paul,” said Ellicl trcmblingl.v,. L'^imoii'dciio-t'un.liTV School CiUbi I'a • cni tcr named .)c::cp)». H.invc*i*ih was


•oi hiv;.e>, one o' them •rollcil over r..:i-:l die-1 lior.*!C, which wa4 :i lAfciais. J . S lu tta rd


Every Street on M^-m-'-lay — ...............•*’’ “ without ii B'-TUgglo. ’I ’he


morning with a t am u-’.dcnB* kiiiilt down,


along


viiluabie cue, b? ongc’;! to nn.’l Sons.


----------- READ.


KOO'I'BALT —A mateli was playcil on Satur- aU.nioon between the St. .loliii’.', aiul the the ground


• of the foi-m‘.‘i- all Woi tlmll;. Tlio game ipmUe.! weil-rocicl vio!-=i-y for the ,St. -lolms leaiii


• Congregational CliajiA. tlio mairiage waa socm- I of JI.1-.


iby two goals to one. MAJiitlAGl':.- On .'.S;r.n:lay nprning a t the


M i -a - i la ra a ic t Easlwoo:!, uf Humbl'nlon View. M i 'j Am.,0 BeJlwo.I, n. 1-ai of Mm brnle, wan


\V. Maiiison. .'.f New own ami


• hri<icsmai-.l. ami Air. - was h .St man. Tlie Rev. E. A. Hytch, of Great


.Jlaiwuoil, ufiicialeJ.


an intermezzo, is tho curious ti:lo of a gondly volume of short stories b3'-iho Into Ctr*«nt. Allen, which Grant Richa rds ,has just published; and when it is said th a t the, 12 Uil* s i*omp* i*.-e what tho author considered to be those or !ii« cnorts possessing most penmvnent v.aluc, noihing mor** need bo said to cohmiemV the book to lovers C


Among thickened edge tyres there is no superior,


w’irelcss tyres. W'ith cycling ever on the increase, it is not to bo


wondered a t tha t the annual crop of accidents grows apace. I t would bo strange if it


were otherwise, considering the universal hold the


'wheel has asserted over the human race and the fact th a t tlio majority, of riders in the hey-day ot 3'outh do not perceive dangers which would be ap ­ p a re n t to older and wiser heads. I f however, the


,


loungers on tho beach saw was his body borne rutn- ■lossly along .the crest of the breakers, where i t was twisted for a moment in giddy gyrations and then daelied %*iolcntlv to tho. beach and pounded and pummelled, buffeted and worried by the merciless


No ono can say bow i t began. Tho first the


^E ^ * c r bands snatched him beyond reach of the brutal broakors and applied restoratives. For a long, long minute hop© struggled wtb fear ; then the blue


“ Quit now, Maria, qiut. Dam it, 1 11 get up in a ..


•nnnutol” A GREAT DAY FOR RED DOG.


• “ Wh-wh-what’s that?” ho stammered, his teeth ebattoring with terror.


,


■^VThat fearful noise. Is i t Indians or a band of cowboys on a rampage?”


“ What’s what?” inquired tho landlord. , , ,, ,


“ Thom’s only the students of tho Rod Dog Theo­ logical Seminary celebratin’ a football vict’ry. I thort you Easterners was used to thorn kind


**'Taint ncSthor one, doin’B.”


Piute Bill, of Coyote City, Loved tho black-eyed Bessie Hill,


OUT OF THE; WEST.


’All -wont ■woU till Texas Jimmy. Said ho’d "win her out from Bill./*


Piute Bill, of Coyote City, , Did with maledictions strong


(Swear that when ho saw said Jimmy He'd increase the heavenly throng, •


But, celestial honours scorning, James an angel , made of Bill,


And -when ©x-Bill had been planted Married black-eyed Bessie Hill.


Scarce a month had passed since Jimmy Married black-eyed Bessie Hill


Ere he -rnshed Bill had been Jimmy And that Jimmy had been BUI.


fn the city—strangers, too, to the Episcopal form of worship. They sat half ,3vay up tbo centre ailsc, «uid throughout the musical service ’had listened •with wondering attention. At last ono of tho girls, ■u’ho had been scrutinising her programme intently, began .‘to fidget unoasil3* in her seat. “ Say, Mamo,*^ she said in an oar-piercing "whis-


They ■wore two robust girls, evidently strangora COLLECT AND BENEDICTION. .


this author’s work. Of a different kind, Imt similarly admirable, is The K in d’s Mirrtfr. in ■\vhieh Anthou\* Ifope keeps tine re-idei* .alter- _ iiatel3* ainuHCcf and ciithrailed by rogsl adven­ tures in th a t original vein which thy author of tho Prisoner o f 'hernia and Rupert of hen tzau


‘f has made his own, . ■ .


novel The Chrisiian has been prodme-l at lr.Kt a t the Duke of York’s ’.I’ncivtrCj and hjvs ^niet with a mixed reception. To produce this kind df work on tho stage is a risky matter, lov n.jw- cver devoutly the uiithoi* liiusse f


Mr. Hall Caine’s dramatisation of his ptumlar


he has a mission, “ the pl;*.\*’.s tlio th in g ,’ a;td tho playgoer ia tiic ulliniato Co*u*t of .-Appeal. “ The tiign of ih-e Cro ss” succeeded on accoimt of the luunaii sympatlnes it aroused.^


iicliovo


.because tlie hero ami hen>i*.io found suca e::- ecliont representation in Vv tlson Ba rreit and Miss Maud Jefferies. J.hit the scone was l.ild in ancient Rome, and not in 'London oi tho nineteenth century. , For tlioso who- iiiivc m l read tho novel, the plot may he thu.s .‘:u..:- inariscd.'


G1oi*3' (Jua.vlc, * tbo daughter of a ALv.jx parson, comes to Lo’.ulou and entcr-i .a


as a nurse. S’le (inds tlio ilLciplinujy ror.iine dist:isteful, and owing to a viwtt .to a “ Ldgbt c lu b ” iu Soho, where a varictv oulerliunuieub


.


i^ r , “ let’s go out.” ■ “ .Why,” asked Mamo, don’t 3*ou want to stay rill


tho programme under net companion’s nose. “Right a t the end i t saya, * Oollect and benediotion.’ ” “ Oh, myl so i t does,’’ in an awed whisper# “Let’s


“ Oh, yes, tlicy will. too. Look here I” thrusting - * .


• ^ “ N o ; but I guess -Ihey won’t pass tho plate now i t ’s near done.*!


i t ’s all over?” “ Yes, but I ain’t got any'money,” replied ■tho o the r ; “ have you?!*


replied the landlord. , : / 71 V


lips painfully parted, and ho gasped, while his eyes bIowIv unclosed:


^


^*New York” after his name on the hotel regi-stcr ■when a series of wild whoops and yells from witii- out caused him to drop his pen in alarm and cling to tho counter for support.


The • stranger from tho East was just writing


crop cf C3'cliiig accidents for. the past season is examined, it will be found th a t quite nine-tenths of the accidents have resulted from lack of caution.


Tlio seasoned rider knows the risks he run s and


prepares for tliem accordiiigl3*. I^e is venture­ some onlv within )*casonablo bounds. He does tha t which would appal many a novice—for instance, he will run down a hill a t top speed when he is conscious of iu\ oflicient brake, and sees that, the coast is clear—but ho would not commit an>’ of tho iikUscretions which appear matters of little moment to the wheel t \T O . So the veteran goes thronqh a much more comprehensivo course of riding unscathed, whilst the novice frequently comes to grief, because ho is cauliona where he might be venturesome,and foolliardj’ where caution


is imperative.' We learn th a t the run to Brighton from London


of tho iUotor Car Club on November Ifith promises to prove a luige success. Over a' 100 cars havo entered and it is fully anticipated tha t the Club’s record attendance of 137 to the Cx*3*stal Palace, will be surpassed. The Hon. See. is working hard, and will bo issuing a small dcscrijitivc programme of the cars, for free distribution.


view of meeting the roquiremeuts of every class of c3'clist from the “ speed nie rch ant” to the gentle rider.


Dunlop tj'rcs are cpccially mnniifactured with a


Tho cry is again being raised in the press th a t Club life is on tho decline. There is no doubt th a t


* the same necessity for cycle clubs docs not exist DOW as in the early daj’s of tho wheel. Then cyclists were a small band, and viewed ns of ver3‘


■ •quenth’, when c\'clists v/cre few and scattered, it was a good thing for a man to belong to a club as ho coiild obtain guidance and companionship from older riders.


little importance. Twenty years ago cycling was practicall3' cntirol3* confinctl to n'ialcs, and even among men, compared with tbc rest of the commu- n i t j’, those who possessed cycles were few indeed. There was not the interest taken in cycling then, th a t there is to-day, and few .of its most ardent votaries ever dreamed of its attaining ,asa pastime, tho world-wide popnliiriiy it now eiijo3's. Consc-


' irrespoiiribln roving pleasure ‘ jau n t. The u tte r indcpenilmice which the wheel affords makes tho wheelman quite careless as to whether he has a compauiou to share the pastime with him or not.


■ in the most awful way human creatures can I” Mr.s. Bland (gasping): “ Impossible! I could


never believe it. ^^^lat was the occasion?” . Mr. Celebs: “ Their marryigc.”


R E P O K T E R S ’ N o t e E X E R C I S E ,, P O C K E T .


:s


A T T H E T I M E S O E E I C E .


"* ■ * *t-“, " “i ^s. r *>'t iu ‘ ^ ‘'■'G 7 > i w , ’ ' , 1 . ' - . f i 4 'K/.’j.*


. Mrs. Bland: “ See that 3’oung couple? Aren’t! (they;a picture of innocent and lovely devotion?” Mr.. Celebs: “ .You wouldn’t believe th a t no longer than a week ago I hoard both of them swear


go now.” '.-PERHAPS THEY HAD REPENTEdL ' *


IDOES.NOT CORICODE


THESKIN KEEPSJT


I


SMOOTH SVELYETY


fridat.


wB&Ani(for Itching, Burning, Rash) l / r i 'i 1/9 POWDER (torRe<)nes5.Roughnea», Ac.)!/-, 1/9


PrintoJ ami I’“i'"rL'n\V PARKINSON *


P r o p r i e t o r s —


SIMSON & McPHERS® NEWCASTLE, E D I S B U K O U .g


Gold Modal, IIc.altliE.’thilii'''’"


Stad L au l


rJ.H iU)siici„i5 ‘iiS


for defensive purposc.s. One felt sure that, on a club nm at which the members turned up in force, the iiidivinnnl would be safe from molestation. But now th a t everyone cycles there is no need to join acUib for companionship. One’s own family frequently embraces several cycling members, for there is no pristimo more contagious, and if one’s family is limited, are there not c3'ciiiig neighbours; galore, always a t hand to ivcconipnny one on a spin ? One of the chief charms of wheel­ ing is the way in which ono can sally forth deter­ mined to ’^go wherever fortune leads on a long


Cyclists . also banded themselves together AT TH E t i m e s o f h \ ’;s D


A s k y o u r G r o c e r & M e r c h a n t


W O R L D K R N O W N K - Tid die winks, Snow, S n a k e s & L a d d e r ,H a l e G el Patchesi , D r a f t s , a n d Dom ino s


SENIOR HONS. GER'f., T.CLn,. AND COUiNTEl!poi}j!f®^!lSl


PHPILS PREPAEBB FOE ESimyra^ Metropolitan and Lai, ”


PIANOronTE, ORO.AN, HAnM TEAOHEB OF TERMS apply—


J. RUDD, 34, CASTli a cinuig


A R 'i\


Dc i AWl NG AND PaIKTls Krom the BlemcnUryto


I'he H igher Walks of.•\ si


\{ R. !•:. CAWTllOllX ATTENDS


E cn n o l .k , cLAPSF.is i pkivate in iK p A'hln'ss : I,nTi.F.«oc8, Ciiuta


Old t*l?pn.S £xIII3IT0RS at Tilt i\cAbitsiY, and at the City Art GiEsta M.inchesler and Livetpfld


L adies’ i


B q a a d in s AND H ig h s®?. TOniC KTIIEDT, OUTrtESOS


Duix-h p i 1.8;—MISSES Will l'roP*p<H:tU3 on Appllnlltt.


Duri Hitih


G IR L S ’ HIGH SCO SI t h e a l te r a t io n s at tleC: | s i


H


C i t M


■School, th e classes w!


h o l d in t h e I n f a n t s ’ Room,| _ S t . M a


Entrance in York Street. Private .ndiirw.'^, 3. C.ASTLEMP


r y ’ s S u n d a y S c hM p |- l l C( OKY '.Rt


El s i i


E E R N L E IG I I j R A ILW A Y VIEW CllTl»5(l


MR. ROBERT Doiii ORGANIST AT S.S. M AEL., JOHNS’ CHL’U


ICH CH ®


sbows ipiito oxooplional and unexpcc.ed giasp of a difiionlt .cbaracter.


l^hns


success will dcj>cntl oivtno buoj.ui , nature, of the horoino,i who nuhler _


tlie traiuincls .^of conveutum . to j:.a-u liliertv. lu this part


)f London .. in.-.vTrho best _i:nd,..oos6 , from the top of an om.m.oiia;


-aiit-illv it is as'.pnishmo v.-i,at_:i v.-’l! di>, lens tlnin e i-onple of


uwbiobeyeryonoisinterested. N o p a r to fam a ,ia aubjehted to snob groat stress "•"‘J


.■.•‘destroy the body tu.iiivo tho novel


If smaessfnl, .its ii* reprcGsihlo


;il, .its


slv destroys a* larger


EveUn Alillard


C Y C L I N G N E W S & G O S S I P - The nnestion of elTioiont obain lubtication is ono


chain, and no par t causesmioro trouble to ksep i H e r X r e the macbinc is not. fitted w.lli a gear.


j ■ case ’ Many cyclists objoe^t to a gear c^se on


account of, the .extra-.weight ‘.‘‘'•‘b ' f ’ beoausc a badly fitted, gear ca.-f -. is apt t° t^ t l e . _a


■ the C.’T.C. ‘Gasetto. i i i ibis most .iiitornsting article the lubrication,;and points out ,tha t ajn;ea^^^^


very ____ . . . cdtintr Otis,'' is publisiied in


devotes special attention to the


erv exoobent paper on. “ Ltihru:atiim >’ ic nnldiKiicd in tlie .October iBsno of


writeiv chain-


.


the


J A a I E S , G U I ) ( } ] - , , I ' ’' t e a c h e r , of


R E C E l VIOLINS


ALL


V I O L I ji} V E ^ P U p j H


VIOLIN EEQUIshes J STOCK. ^ '


i j t


H e! M]


W H I l f


ITheB B U l


teral


Pura t iO D l


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