Separating Together
The secret to keeping things amicable (and keeping down the cost) when getting divorced.
“Adele, Bill Gates, Elon Musk. All recent examples of high profile people that have chosen to separate well. And it’s catching fire. The figures from our survey show that people are increasingly looking to separate as amicably as possible.
“Having worked with hundreds of divorcing couples over the years, there are certainly a few key things that can be done to help that happen.
Divorce sits comfortably in the top three most grief-stricken life events. Loss, regret, fear, anger, uncertainty; all things we experience as we navigate the pathway that leads to living separate lives.
The division of assets, working out where to live, agreeing who will have the children and on what days are all hurdles that need to be overcome and they can often lead to difficult and emotionally charged situations.
But does it always have to be that way?
According to a recent survey carried out by the law firm Simpson Millar, 74% of couples going through a divorce or separation want to keep things civil.
While none of the participants expected to avoid heartache altogether, many said that remaining amicable would result in a better outcome for them, their former partner and their children.
Avoiding lengthy court battles and costly legal fees was also a motivating factor.
David Lister, National Head of the Family Law Department at Simpson Millar, offers wisdom on how to keep things civil – including a fast growing trend which is seeing more and more couples Separating Together.
“Historically, the only divorces you’d read about in the papers were the ones that weren’t going so well. The ones where the legal fees had spiralled out of control or where the husband had done a runner with all the money. These days, people are much more savvy and they realise it really doesn’t have to be that way.
1. Abandon the idea that there are winners and losers in divorce. The reality in most cases is that you’ll each have to cut your cloth and rebuild. What was feeding one household can rarely feed two, comfortably.
2. Think of the big picture. The more you spend arguing, the less there will be left in the pot for you and your children. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Bad behaviour might well be the reason for the split, but rarely will it have an impact upon how a Court divides assets.
3. Be practical. You might want to hold onto the family home but think about whether that is realistic. Can you get a mortgage of the size you need? If you’re the breadwinner, ask yourself if your ex can survive without ongoing support and time to adjust to independence. Financial advice will be key.
4. Keep talking to your ex. Not everyone can, but where it’s possible, use your voice. Importantly, listen to theirs. Those cases where people maintain a constructive dialogue resolve far faster and often avoid having to go to court.
5. Ask an experienced lawyer to help you formalise everything, to give you certainty. Pick someone that cares about you, not how much you’ll spend with them. If they can’t tell you at the outset what the likely costs will be, don’t engage them.”
Simpson Millar’s latest offering, Separating Together, is a revolutionary process designed to change the way couples divorce, for the better. It aims to achieve a conflict-free separation where both parties are represented by the same lawyer, which comes with associated cost savings.
David adds: “In recent years we’ve seen more and more people who want to
approach their divorce in a constructive and sensible way, to achieve better, quicker and more cost-effective outcomes for the whole family. It’s because of this that we recently launched our new same solicitor divorce service; Separating Together.
“Traditionally, lawyers have had to tell separating couples that they have to use two different solicitors. A good reason for this is because quite often, each person leaving a relationship has a different agenda. However, Separating Together is a really great option for couples that are both working towards the same thing.”
“It cuts out the us versus them approach many lawyers want to adopt, plus it saves money and time. A traditional Court case might take 18 months to unfold, if contested. Our most recent Separating Together case was concluded in just seven weeks and at a fraction of the cost.”
David concludes: “If your shared goals are to ensure the process is transparent and the outcome is fair for everyone, to make sure you both have enough to meet your future needs, to save as much money for yourselves and your family, and to separate amicably for the sake of you and your children, then using the same solicitor for your divorce is a good place to start.”
Debbie and Tommy recently used Separating Together for their divorce.
“When we realised that our marriage had reached the end of the road, our
main priority was separating peacefully and painlessly. Being able to continue to co-parent our children is really important to us.
Using Separating Together meant that
we kept control, we set the timetable, we had a voice and we heard each other. Having a fixed price also meant that we were able to agree the costs right from the start, so we knew exactly what to budget for. We’d recommend using the same solicitor to any couples who want to sort out their finances sensibly.”
Contact David today
David.Lister@
SimpsonMillar.co.uk 0808 239 0370
Free initial consultation • 10% discount for Police Federation Members Appointments to suit your shift pattern
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