Tell us about your experience with stuttering as a child.
As a child, it always felt as though my stutter was a lingering chip on my shoulder. Moments that felt simple for others, would be the spark to a panic attack for me. I would learn to find maneuvers to avoid group introductions, reading aloud or public speaking. The words “so introduce yourself,” as I stood in front of a new classroom would trigger intense anxiety, because I knew that my stutter would now become the center of attention. Hearing people say “you don’t know your name?” when you begin to stutter on your name, was a commonplace experience for me as a child. Luckily, I had an amazing support system at home that instilled a sense of confidence, self- worth and perseverance into me that allowed me to see myself as a child with a stutter and not as a stuttering child.
Has your stuttering gotten worse or better since you were younger? How?
That’s a tough question. I would say that my stutter has relatively been the same over the years. What I think has improved is my confidence when dealing with my stutter. I have learned that my stutter does not define my abilities, success and personality; rather my stutter is another aspect of my life. With this growth in confidence and introspection, I have learned how to embrace and take control of my stutter in a way that allowed me to lead with my personality rather than with the fear of my stutter.
How does stuttering affect you in your career?
Being a pediatrician, you realize the role that communication has in every aspect of your career; whether that is garnering the trust of your family, vocalizing your thoughts, explaining diagnoses and/or just building rapport with your colleagues and families. In many ways, my stutter has a role in every aspect of my career. My biggest fear, entering into medicine, was the impact that my stutter would have on my patient encounters. In fact, the impact of my stutter was the premise of my personal statement when applying to residency. I made it the subject of my personal statement, because the thing that I feared most would turn out to be the very thing that allowed me to break down communication barriers and made me more relatable to my patients and families.
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How is your stuttering today? What do you do to control or manage it, if anything?
My stuttering today is still very present and varies with my emotions, stressors and situations. I have grown to have confidence in my voice, but I would be disingenuous if I said that I still do not have many moments of self-doubt, insecurities and fear surrounding my stutter. I think what I learned most when managing my stutter is to give myself grace and patience. My stutter does not define or dictate the validity and impact of my voice. When I give myself grace to stutter, Irealize that my confidence carries my voice through any room, even if it may take a little longer than the next person.
What are the biggest challenges stuttering has presented to you?
The biggest challenge about stuttering is that it is an insecurity that you cannot hide from the world. While some people can wear make-up to cover a blemish or wear a hat to hide their hair, our voice cannot be hidden unless you choose to be silent. Until your speech is your biggest insecurity, you don’t truly realize how much language is intertwined in the innerworkings of our everyday life. From the minute that you open up your mouth to speak, you hope that the words roll out smoothly but also bracing yourself for the chance that it might not. I’ve overcome many challenges as the first high school graduate in my family, but the biggest challenge to date is the fact that with my stutter I wear my biggest insecurity on my sleeve everyday for the world to see, critic and judge; all while expected to continue socializing and advancing myself and career. To have a stutter, is to be in a constant intrinsic battle with your fear and insecurities, while also battling the external stigma and judgment of the world.
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