and finally...


Starmer’s plan to stop leaks is a real stinker


PM’s declaration reminds us of leaves on the line, says Chris Proctor J


oy swept the land last month when the prime minister announced: “Its my job to sort out leaks.” From Dorset to


Wales via Coventry and Shropshire, streets filled with dancing and celebration as wellington boots were tossed into recycling bins and pegs for the nose were discarded with abandon. Regulars in Coventry’s Unicorn pub raised more glasses than usual. The cathedral city has been inundated with sewage leaks and Severn Trent Water’s latest solution had put the wind up local topers. They’d pinpointed the Unicorn’s car park for a storage system. Over to you, Sir Keir! Over in Blackberry Lane, Elsie Beaumont laughed and sang as her abode had been visited by a drain leak which created what she called a ‘river of sewage’. Beaumont said: “The smell was absolutely awful.” And, while Severn Trent Water said it had sent an engineer to examine the leakage, she anticipated immediate action now that the prime minister was looking into it. Away from Lady Godiva’s old haunt,


two leaks had put Ashburton swimming pool in Devon under threat of closure until locals raised £60,000 to keep it in the swim. They think they need another £40,000 in the long term but the future looks brighter since the announcement. Even the canine community wagged tails in pleasure as this year they were allowed a dip beside their owners on the final day of the season. Alison Biddulph, a West Midlands


water campaigner, has said for years that she wants her water provider to do more to reduce leaks, especially as the responsible company wants to increase bills by an average of 33 per cent by


2030. Perhaps ‘responsible’ isn’t entirely the correct adjective as they’ve recently been fined for discharging 260 million litres of sewage into the River Trent. The Surfers Against Sewage lobby


group was elated by the government proclamation, not least its adherents in Exmouth in Devon. Following a burst pipe and subsequent sewage leakage, the water company sparked a ‘don’t swim’ alert during the peak holiday season. Backstroker Keith Thompson suggested this was ‘not looking after’ a community that relies heavily on tourism – a point also taken up by Kevin Wood, the chairman of Caister- on-Sea Parish Council. The Norfolk town recorded 106 sewage spills, which Wood said was ‘disappointing’. He added, perceptively: “It cannot be good for people waiting to bathe in the sea.” Further jubilation at the announcement was evidenced by champion leek grower Alan Warnaby who, once again, has lifted the best in show trophy at the Olde Ship Inn Leek Club in Seahouses, Northumberland. He was also successful in the ‘stand of three leeks’ competition: but all is not well – or wasn’t until the PM made his announcement. Flower judge Jimmy Johnson said it had been a poor year for leeks and the show may need to be moved forward in coming years. Naturally, there were concerns at this reshaping of Northumberland’s social calendar, which hopefully will be the subject of the premier’s attention. While Sir K didn’t mention if he


would be feeling any duty over the leek moth, which is apparently spreading north, there is confidence he will have his eye on the little blighter. And Andrew Bode is optimistic that the scope will include his home in the


town of Leek. Bode says his house is too close to a road and is seeking double yellow lines, bollards and/or a fence. Surely the PM can arrange this? Then, suddenly, cold water was


thrown over the news. Hope turned to despair; wellies were retrieved from bins; bunting was recycled to be used for sewage protection devices; surfers resumed swimming against sewage. As with leaves on the railway line, Sir


Keir was talking about the wrong kind of leak. He sees his duty not to the soggy sewers of Shropshire, the horticulturists of Haltwhistle nor the traffic-beleaguered burghers of Leek. No, he sees his job as doing something to eliminate information leaks from a single house in Downing Street. As a journalist, I joined the general distress, for two reasons. One is that I like news leaks. Without them, all our information comes from one source, an organisation’s comms department, not always the font of objective truth. We need insiders to tell us different


“ ”


The Norfolk town recorded 106 sewage spills, which the parish council chair said was ‘disappointing’


views and angles, as long as they are based on facts rather than personal grudges: that’s how we can build a rounded picture. I know it’s often inconvenient for bosses but that’s part of our business – making life bothersome for the powerful. On top of this was the specific story


that irritated Sir Keir: someone had revealed the salary of an employee. I’m all for this. I’d like to see total transparency of all salaries. If you’re embarrassed at how much you earn, there is an easy solution, isn’t there? And it would save NUJ freelance activists from having to spend time producing its vital Rate for the Job information for us. My plea is to carry on leaking. Unless you’re a sewage pipe.


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