FROM LEFT: Flower market in Mumbai; Auto rickshaws in Bandra
Bandra I’m listening to a new recording in a Bollywood sound studio and it’s awful and pitiful and embarrassing. If I was reviewing this performance, it would be entirely negative. I’d say that the singer sounds nervous, for one thing, but fundamentally devoid of ability, for another. I’d add that whatever his day job is, he should be kept well away from the 121-year-old Bollywood industry, which requires maximum pizazz and pep, not to mention talent and confidence. I can say all of these things because I
am the singer and, despite my mumbled protestations, guide Raj Nagrani has just cajoled me into murdering Neil Diamond’s Forever in Blue Jeans at 11am on a Thursday. It isn’t the first time I’ve mangled that song, but it’s the only time I’ve done so sober. “We’ll send you the remix,” beams Raj,
apparently not offended by my effort. We’re on the lot of SJ Studios, one of several Bollywood production companies dotted around Mumbai. As well as this sound studio, there are sets — some are permanent, but others are just empty floors that can be rapidly customised into almost any backdrop. When filming isn’t taking place, tours are offered.
Around 2,000 movies come out every year
in India, a ludicrously high volume (the US churns out around 600) that demands constant production. The most lavish and star-studded are all made here in Mumbai. Prior to arriving for this studio tour, Raj
had driven me around the neighbourhood of Bandra to get a better sense of the industry. Unlike Hollywood, Bollywood doesn’t exist as a physical place, but Bandra is comparable to Beverly Hills. Many of the industry’s top stars have properties here, which fans are known to gather outside in the hope of catching a glimpse of their heroes. Several producers and directors also live
here; Bandra is unmistakably the land of The Haves. Car horns are less constant here, the roads are clearer. There’s a huge private hospital, a Starbucks, nightclubs and, more generally, an unmistakable atmosphere of affluence. At the southern tip of the peninsula on which Bandra lies, close to the ruins of an old Portuguese fort, stands the Taj Lands End hotel. Its House of Nomad bar is where the stars come to sign massive deals over cocktails. Raj talks about the business as a sort
of religion. “I thought cricket was India’s unofficial religion,” I joke. “It’s popular, sure, but they have seasons,” he replies. “Bollywood is important every day.”
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