OFFSIDE QUOTE ME HAPPY 10 best caddy replies
# 10 - Golfer: “Think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.” Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?”
# 9 - Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.” Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”
# 8 - Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?” Caddy: “Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.”
# 7 - Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?” Caddy: “Eventually.”
# 6 - Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.” Caddy: “I don’t think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.”
# 5 - Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s too much of A distraction.” Caddy: “It’s not a watch - it’s a compass.”
# 4 - Golfer: “How do you like my game?” Caddy: “Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf.”
# 3 - Golfer: “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?” Caddy: “The way you play, sir, it’s a sin on any day.”
# 2 - Golfer: “This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.” Caddy: “This isn’t the golf course. We left that an hour ago.”
# 1 - Best Caddy Comment Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.” Caddy: “It’s been a long time since we teed off , sir.”
DIARY DATES
8th: Football - Scottish FA Cup Final (
scottishfa.co.uk)
15th: Football - FA Cup Final, Wembley Stadium (
thefa.com)
17th-23rd: Golf - US PGA, Kiawah Island Golf Resort, South Carolina (
pgatour.com)
2nd-6th: Cricket - 1st Test Series, England v New Zealand, Lord’s (
icc-cricket.com)
11th-11th July: Football - UEFA Euro 2020 (
uefa.com/uefaeuro-2020)
15th-19th: Horseracing - Royal Ascot (
ascot.co.uk/royal-ascot-2021-2)
22nd: Football - Women’s FA Cup Final, Wembley Stadium (
thefa.com/competitions)
29th: Football - UEFA Champions League Final, Atatürk Olympic Stadium, Istanbul (
eufa.com)
17th-20th: Golf - US Open Championship, San Diego (
usopen.com)
18th-22nd: Cricket - ICC World Test Championship Final, The Ageas Bowl, Southampton (
icc-cricket.com)
28th-11th July: Tennis - 2021 Wimbledon Championships (
wimbledon.com)
10th: Tennis - Wimbledon Championships Ladies Final (
wimbledon.com)
11th: Football - UEFA Euro 2020 Final, Wembley (
uefa.com/uefaeuro-2020)
11th: Golf - Open Championship, Royal St. George’s (
theopen.com/royal-st-georges- 149th-open)
11th: Tennis - Wimbledon Championships Men’s Final (
wimbledon.com)
21st-22nd: Trade Show - BIGGA Festival of Turf, Warwickshire Event Centre (
bigga.org.uk)
27th-29th: Trade Show - SAGE 2021 - The Sports & Grounds Expo, The Three Counties Showground, Malvern (
sportsandgrounds.co.uk)
To have your event included in this magazine diary section, please email details to
kerry@pitchcare.com
When describing Murray Walker’s commentary style, the late broadcaster and writer Clive James hit the nail on the head: “In his quieter moments, he sounds like his trousers are on fi re.”
More on Murray. In his main job as an advertising executive he coined the phrase “Opal Fruits - made to make your mouth water.”
“He’s able to arrange songs with the expert ear of a pop maestro and cultivate original songs and sounds like a well- appointed groundsman.” Far Out’s Jack Whatley praising the writing skills of Sir Paul McCartney.
“I nutmegged the captains of Dortmund (Marcel Schmelzer) and City (Vincent Kompany) and they said: ‘don’t do that again.’ They don’t like it.” Jadon Sancho admits he used to perform plenty of skills in his early days at The Etihad, but as time went on he dropped that part of his game.
“I got that wrong. When you see all the s*** that comes back and, of course the s*** is going to come back, I felt the need to contact him.” Pundit Ian Wright reached out to Arsenal striker Alexandre Lacazette after he made a stupid mistake.
“I don’t talk about anything that I’m not an expert in. But the reality is the grass is not good. All the players know how the grass is, the weather conditions are tough, but there are stadiums where the grass is better than us.” Pep Guardiola admits that Manchester City have a big problem with their Etihad Stadium pitch.
“Why is it always for these close calls the cameras are the ones last used for someone’s submission to You’ve Been Framed in 1993?” The BBC’s Henry Moeran bemoans the apparently dated technology being used in modern technology.
“He makes me feel rubbish. That’s pretty much where he’s at the moment, he makes everyone else around him look not very good.” Ben Stokes on Joe Root after the England captain’s 218 in Chennai.
“Honestly, I haven’t seen a review as bad as that since fi lm critics saw Cats.” The BBC’s Matt Henry on India’s decision to call on DRS in England’s fi rst innings in the third Test.
Joe Root
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