It’s Not You, It’s Me By James W. Osborne, MS, LPC, BCPC


rojection is a psychological defense originally identified by Sigmund Freud in which one unconsciously attributes their feelings or impulses onto another. The other carries our flaws and is responsible for our misery. Projection is a conflict between unconscious feelings or impulses and con- scious beliefs or values. Projecting the feel- ings onto others or situations is an attempt to externalize the problem. An example of projection is when a husband who has sup- pressed sexual desires for a coworker, then accuses his wife of being unfaithful.


P Tom Hanks as Chuck Nolan in Cast


Away projects his fears, disowned self or un- consciousness onto Wilson, the volleyball. He attempts to make the unconscious con- scious by giving voice to his fears, transfer- ring the ownership of difficult or unwanted feelings onto an external source. A person who is argumentative relates that others are angry and hostile denying their own feelings and behaviors. Projection almost always comes with anger and is common with Nar- cissists, paranoid people, bullies and those with Borderline Personality Disorder. Bullies will focus on the insecurities of others rather than deal with their own concerns. They find the most vulnerable individuals and attack them without risk of emotional retaliation.


26 ELM® Maine - September/October 2019 Projection is a form of blame shifting –


“It’s not me, it’s them”. Because the feelings are unconscious and disowned, the indi- vidual denies any identification with the feelings or impulses. In fact, they often feel attacked and see themselves as the victim not the attacker. In addition, blaming a real victim is a common example of projection. A person is sexually assaulted and rather than focus on the actions of the perpetra- tor, the victim is criticized for somehow attracting the assault. “It was the way they were dressed, where they were, perhaps they drank too much, what did they expect to happen, etc.”


Projections are not always negative.


There are forms in which an individual at- tributes positive wants, desires and fantasies onto another. This is very common with co-dependency. A person who is lonely and dating may meet someone and immediately find the person to be their soul mate - the perfect match without knowing them. They project their hopes, dreams and desires onto them. They see the smallest actions as confirming their feelings for them. They will often see things in terms of black and white. People may also project that others share the same values, skills or can do the same things as them. They take for granted that the other is like them instead of seeing them for who they really are.


Projection differs from transference


in that transference involves at least three people. The individual attributes feelings and behaviors of someone else onto a third person. A person in therapy might say “my therapist is critical, just like my father.” They transfer their unconscious feelings towards their father onto the therapist.


Since projection is an unconscious


defense mechanism, the only way to begin to resolve it is to become aware of the projec- tion. If what is projected does not stick to the other, then we are forced to examine and pay attention to our own negative thoughts, feelings and behaviors. One way we can become aware is when the other person is clear that what is being projected has nothing to do with them. They might respond with, “That’s not mine, perhaps you should look in the mirror”. As children we used to respond, “No, you are”. This is a clue that we need to examine our thoughts, feelings and behav- iors. If we find that we are experiencing guilt, having uncomfortable sensations in our bod- ies or having knee jerk anger, then we need to entertain the idea that what is going on reflects our disowned or unconscious self.


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